Peace

Tempted to jump up and run
passed the memories
we made without thinking
I figure if I run the tears will die.

Nothing

Decipher clear memories
Wishing they were cold and unsure
Balanced by damn you fucked me over
I was this close
To falling so hard for you
But as soon as I lost my sense.

I walked away
With my swollen wounded tail
In between my legs
Battling everything I mean to mean
And vowed to never settle
For anything but what made me
Feel complete

Contemplating my hefty
Must make a decision
To allow the feelings or
To remain what’s kept
Me away from you being ghost.
But it fumbles me and I feel
As if I have the energy
To find out exactly what it is
You mean to me
And surely what is it that you
Constantly wish to obtain
Because you’ve been gone
Forever
This is strange, did something change
Or did you finally realize what I mean to you
Since before you hustled your
Feelings with unsure meaningless
Swag that resulted in my back turned
My heart closed
And nothing is as it was before.

Sand

You’d catch no more than dirt.
With your trap that catches no more than his presence.
Pressure to end your affair,
Surfaces when your conscience makes it aware
That he doesn’t care about what you thought you had.

He’s moved on
And you’re not trying to chase the season.
Base in his lungs as he denies his love for you
And he questions it and you listen.
Breathing your last breathe,
Contemplating how much you need him.

I would be the one to fall.
For the invisible guy, that tried it all on
The other girl before me.
Sheltered mishaps, irrelevant feelings felt.
Distanced as forever, destined as tomorrow.

Is it just me or
Do I really not belong here?
I am not aware of his motives.
I just let him kiss me and hold me.

I don’t complain, only
When his diverse hands release
From around my pelvic bone.
The need for his touch is evident for my survival.

War of Love

I think of a struggle that is forced,
A battle between my head and my heart,
My heart she wants this
And my minds says run he is running too.
I blink and then there are tears.
And I cringe and show my fears.

You you’re going to leave me.
Soon, I will have played the game of pretend,
Telling myself you never existed.
You you’re my greatest fear,
My heart she loves you,
And rather hold this out so the tears can come later
And not in the presence of the glory I wear.

Casonva

The door of the past closed when he passed
By her and pretended not to recognize her:

That’s when I walked into his life,
Brainwashed by the glow of that smile he wears.
Sucks for me, I promised myself a million things
And he has me forgetting.

My eyes are swollen shut,
And have yet to be dilated.

Perfection of the imbalanced persona who seems aloof.
Never minding his smooth accent, and bright smile.
Swindled in with his charm and Casanova like persona.
Cold by the balcony and timid like a child’s first day of school.
Naïve like a fifteen who is knocked off her feet with the love bullshit.

Unjustified departures
And kisses from the same man,
Who betrayed her for the woman
Who just needed the moment.

On call for any and every request that he made,
And love listening to her heart break.
Stayed settling for her happiness
And not her state of mind.

I think of a struggle that is forced,
A battle between my head and my heart,
My heart she wants this
And my minds says run he is running too.
I blink and then there are tears.
And I cringe and show my fears.

You you’re going to leave me.
Soon, I will have played the game of pretend,
Telling myself you never existed.
You you’re my greatest fear,
My heart she loves you,
And rather hold this out so the tears can come later
And not in the presence of the glory I wear.

Another Goodbye

We aren't talking anymore because when we did it was to vague and I don't trust him.


I can admit. I do have trust issues, if you were in my shoes you would to. But knowing our background and my life you have to understand why I'm so pissed at this situation.

Here goes:

I met him at my current job. We both wanted to work there. I'm like tall, chocolate, and bio major. Things we could do in twenty minutes.

Anyway. I didn't see him for a few weeks then he waved at me on the bus, I'm blind as fuck. I just stared at him. Found out it was him, we chatted for a bit didn't, saw a few weeks later and that was because I worked with him. By then we exchanged numbers, but only text each other for work related situations.

On exactly, October 11, I started liking him. And I found out he liked me the 18. We began talking on the 19. Clearly it's a month later and we're not talking. I blamed myself until we talked it out. Text it out for whatever reason. And the reason why is because I made jokes about his ex. A lot of jokes about his ex.

On November 10, we stopped talking. How you demanding trust in a month, if it was 5 months, a year. We can discuss it, I don't even know if what we're doing and you're asking me for trust.

Yeah, so now you're up to date with my lack of a love life.

And the joke was the following, don't judge me.

Q: What's yellow and smells ?
A: sulfur.

I know, I know. I'm cheesy.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Another Forgotten Kiss

Decipher clear memories
Wishing they were cold and unsure
Balancing now with then.
I know we just kissed,
I just don't remember when.
The last time ours were whispering
was the last time they'd touch each other.

My mistake thinking I could fly
By jumping off the roof.
Sure enough, I figured I'd cling onto you.
It didn't happen that way.

I kissed you, I remember.
You kissed me back and you melted my heart.
Insides all warm from the start.
But I began to fall and you watched it all.
You became so tall and unclear.

I risked it all,
Just so I could see
That feeling, and I didn't fly.
Just another last kiss.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Now and Forever

Minus forever
A few pointless tears and unheard of feelings.
You didn't keep your promise.

It's frustrating what I remember.
What you swore to uphold and I needed to hear your secluded words.
At that sure moment,
I trusted and your presence was enough to make me quiver in.

Even minus the now
A few teardrops, and lies
me begging you to stop.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Heart breaker

You remind me of a no good
Heart breaker,
On a prowl,
Breaking my frail heart
Leaving one to many scars.

Even as we kiss and those lips of yours
Are so sweet even when they're not with mine
I long for them, and I whisper
Patterned nonsense.
That I echo but can't grasp.

Handling his frail conscience in the palm
Of my non existence hands
Griping the undying words
He utters and
I shutter and deal with the weird feelings
Scaring my insides.

Still he is the same insane heart breaker,
Silently making me another victim.
And those soft lips and needy words
The right words in the right way
Won me over and I collapse when he returns
Silencing the doubt I'll always have.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Bottom of your Shoe

You’d catch no more than dirt.
With your trap that catches no more than his presence.
Pressure to end your affair,
Surfaces when your conscience makes it aware
That he doesn’t care about what you thought you had.

He’s moved on
And you’re not trying to chase the season.
Base in his lungs as he denies his love for you
And he questions it and you listen.
Breathing your last breathe,
Contemplating how much you need him.

Your Love

Your happiness completes mine.
Smile and I lie on your heart.
Aware that I will probably never see you again.
I love you,
I guarantee you know more than this.

Since you’re going to be the reason
We say our final good-bye.
Certain that we’ll never forget each other.
Even though you figure we don’t need each other.

Your happiness completes mine.
So I’ll go into the box of fiction.
Your little black book is yours again.

Since you’re going to walk out my life
With the certainty that I’d forget those sure blissful lips,
And I will when you no longer exist.
Even though I’ll love you even more every day.

Fall

Inspired to write a poem,
My tears are the reason,
And they blend with this season
Of cold weather and confused lips
Yet sure tears they taste so damn good.

I blogged
I tweeted
My dearest love is so much more than a season
But then I realized I don’t need him.
I want him,
I love him.

Witnessing my reaction to his departure from my life.
The sureness that I out to move on.
But the blnded of my eyes makes me want him so much more
Even as it’s evident it’s fall.

Life

I've fallen so suddenly
Dare widow
Do catch me.

I'm sure your tears
Are worth much more
Than you make them seem.

Sleepless Morning

Wearing these purple thongs,
Back to the fan
On this autumn morning haven’t slept yet
And I’m frightful of the morning after
Still you’ll be gone and I’ll have the wind to guide my
Backside opening the tingled draft on my ass and my back
Will rock me to sleep
But even still I wish it was you.

I still remember last summer
When I had enough of smiling because
It hurt so much, my jaw had had enough.
But I wish we could offer each other time
Baby, I’m sorry.
Maybe, next life time.

The Word Love

I hate how people who throw the word love when they don’t what else to say. It’s getting extremely out of hand. I admit I have said I love you before but it was after the person said it first. I am more of a I love you too type. It’s so much easier for me not to deal with saying exactly how I feel no matter how I feel.

A year ago, I put up with irrelevant shit only because I thought that was the way to go. Thought that was the way to be a part of someone’s life. I was so far past wrong. And sort of glad it happened that way. Since I learned so much for it, you guys need to understand.

You know how your father is so protective of his daughter, thinking no one is good enough for her. Your goal is this. Have the same respect for yourself.

The way sex is know a days. It should be as rare of a habit as you checking your emotions. If sex doesn’t have a meaning to you, then you out to check your hormones, immediately! I state this because of how many ‘accidents’ happens. The reality that you have sex with someone who is no more than a moment, and you want them gone in the morning.

I should be more specific though, I am not knocking relationships or one night stands. To each their own! But don’t get into a relationship with the whole purpose of a crevice that you can’t get enough of. If you just want to have sex with the person says that.

Don’t lie for ass.

That shit really upsets me. No one likes to be stringed along.

Infamous

The infamous
He’s never committed such a crime
Embarks his mother’s lip
As the news of her son’s actions aren’t phoned home.

She believes him
Despite the hundred time
Previous, he has whispered
Lies in the ear for all to hear him.

The girl he had chosen
To leave for the dead
Sat nuisance in her hospital bed
From the procedures
That were granted to
Ensure she would live

No one but her
Is affected by the night before
A few months later he will move on
and the only one who will know
are the two who were there,
is diligent being and unseen soul.
Suffering because he longed for so much more
Then I begged for.

It Was all Because

He asked and she obliged
She did what he uncle asked and his patterned negotiations with
His need for fellatio from a child that could barely tie her shoes
And she didn’t like it but she did what she was told
Because she was just a child and she didn’t know any better,


Past the bay and down the shore she pretended to go,
As she was protecting his offspring her sisters as he bathed her repeatedly.
And she let him only
Because she was just a child and she wanted to survive.


Her eyes are always open fearing his shadow
Angry with her decision to allow him to breathe.
She has decided no court no man can decide his punishment,
But dear god will determine his fate.
And this was all
Because he raped her,

Yesterday

I know that my actions yesterday were reckless, yesterday. I wished I cared. I swear I do. But I don’t in this situation. I never want to be labeled as a victim but if the shoe fits I am going wear it. That’s my only response. For the sake of closure, I am going to say this.

Hurt people, hurt people.

Last year around this time I was depressed. Going shopping and all types of crazy shit to make myself feel better. Since I knew for those moments I wasn’t locked in my room I would be pondering my phone wishing it was to ring and for someone to say it was a joke.

My take on love is the following.
You never stop loving. But there comes a point when you can’t forget how much harm someone has caused you. And you move on.

So yes, I knew from the end of our relationship that I was reckless. Wishing for something that I was so much better than. A few friends told me that didn’t matter. I had to learn on my own and I did.

So I never settle, for anything.
And yes I am currently talking to someone. And yes I love this said person but I’d rather leave as soon as I feel like I am

a. Putting more time in then they are.
b. Feel like I’m settling.

In relationships you leave with nothing. But the respect you have for yourself.

Love Songs

If you love love songs, this here post is for you

Here are my favorite love songs. I can’t get enough of them.
Major download!

1. Stay – Miley Cyrus
2. Time- Ne-Yo
3. Can’t be Friends- Trey Songz
4. I have Nothing- Whitney Houston
5. Almost- Tamia
6. Like Me Real Hard – Mario
7. Yesterday- Leona Lewis
8. No Tears on My Pillow- Mya
9. Russian Roulette- Rihanna
10. Have you Ever- Brandy
11. Invisible- Taylor Swift
12. Silent Tears- Jasmine Sullivan
13. Last First Kiss- Tamia
14. Glitter in the Air- Pink
15. Heartbreaker-Pink
16. Crystal Ball- Pink
17. That Girl- Marques Houston
18. Another Again-John Legend
19. Bottom of the Ocean- Miley Cyrus
20. Another Last Chance- Sammie

Yes these songs were played like crazy this week. 
See you next week with more of my favorite love songs.

With Love

As far as the past goes you move on. You take as many steps as your feet permit and you move on .Don’t hold on things you can care for from a long ass distance. I don’t think about any guy I have dated in my past. You know why, because they’re not in my life now. And this all for a reason, whether yours or mine. A reason, a relationship with nothing gained is time wasted in someone who just allowed time to waste as well as emotions.

And that’s all folks.

The Evil

Evil glares from her rapist.
Sends her off beat heart into a panic
Losing her balance
As she pardons herself
With a stare that could fool
His ill tempered thrusting
To his own beat
Inside of her.
Controlling what she feels
And the obvious right,
She hears his slow steps
Longs for his death
As he parties with the living.

Repeating glances from his ‘friends’
Who are his friends and view me as a
Meaningless drunk; college girl
Who isn’t able to remember
The night before
Oh how I do;
I remember it all and what lead to it.

The parentless friend
Who slid under my wing
Who wanted me
Even though we swore
It’d never be.
You longed for what I tasted like,
So I obliged,
Pondering on the time you finished.
Heartlessly king you out to
Shower, and good riddance with your soul,
And the previous duty I acquired to please.
So help me the same night
I did not sleep, studying for a final.
You off to an appointment.
Fast forward,
You making me
Swear we’d be friends forever

Your girlfriend
Called and I went next door,
Took shots of devil springs
Took off my shirt
Because I figured me being shirtless
Would stop the burning of my lungs.

I want to sleep,
I swore I deserved it.
I came to my room,
Closed the door,
And your carried me
To the bed,
A silence, a pardon,
Then a knock from the bathroom door,
I went and not a human appeared.
You carried me to the bed,
I said, “thanks”.
“Lay with me, I’m tired”
I rolled over.
I woke up to pain endured
In my vagina and a sorry excuse for a note.

I got to commend you
For saying you downed
Rest of the bottle
I cradled and hallucinated w
With the following bottle for the whole semester.
As it was half empty and
Your excuse
Paraded,
My Christmas gift from you was superior.
Afterward straight out lethal.
An account of what happened,
As if your truth
Stood past the facts, the reality
And what I’d never forget.

You’ll never
Have a piece of me.
You lack the sastification
Of ruining me.
Good riddance to your evil soul
And all the people that befriend you \despite the
Inevitable fact that my lack of conscience
Meant nothing as you
Had your way with me.

Hey Missy!

I like to consider myself very mature especially for my age. But sometimes I get upset and spray a few words to cause harm to those who attempt to slander my name. Though I haven’t been put on trial for anything I always feel like I always have to prove something. To the people who don’t mean anything to me.

Last night, I came privy to information on Facebook dedicated to me. With a little investigation I saw my ex-boyfriend’s wife mentioning me, subliminally. And on that note she said a few insults because I mentioned on Twitter she has my leftovers. Did I lie, no? But I do admit that I find it quite a bit funny that she took it to Facebook and called me and I quote a stupid face follower. Despite the reality that I don’t favor her existence I haven’t called her out of her name until now.

I’m an open minded person who lacks tolerance for people’s lack of knowledge and ignorance towards others. It puzzled me, so you know I went to twitter. I had to get a few things out. Not only do I know Angel better than most people but I am privy to a lot of things about his relationship to his wife. His affair with his shipmate Jennifer, the reality he gets a raise when the marriage is official, the reality that he’d settle for anything to be complete, the nuisance that I have naked pictures of him after they were engaged. You know the pictures with him shirtless, his bed in the background. The reality that I am the one to pick him up from the airport Valentine’s Day weekend and he was in my room with his circumcised penis and my favorite the ultimate beauty of it all, the face of his wife when she saw the shit that would make her face turn stupid.

My face so stupid I am doing me and not depending on anyone for my happiness. I don’t need any self recognition and I am pretty sure your “husband” told you that I don’t give a fuck about anyone’s opinion. The fact that you called me an internet gangster, I would have had to have threatened you. But once and if you read this you are going to say, “Fuck this bitch she jealous. I got Angel.” When all reality. Like I said before you have my leftovers. I will always love Angel like I am pretty sure he will always love me but you move on. And I have. In relationships you learn all you can and then you move on.

This may be too much for you to read. You know with Angel’s GED education and I don’t know if you graduated from high school you don’t look like you did.

And do note, I still haven’t threatened you. Just stated facts that Angel won’t tell you because of that night when you guys were watching, Why did I Get Married Two, when he asked you not to cheat on him when we had already cheated on you with me, but it’s cool you didn’t now. But I don’t think he’ll you know fuck anyone else. He said your sex game was good. Mean head game he mentioned. But I bet I was better. I am like an indulgence he knows is no good for him but he can’t get enough of.

Don’t be afraid to get a dictionary when looking up words from this here statement. And don’t worry I wrote this in like what *Checks phone* twelve minutes. It was fun but I am not done. You have to know certain battles you can’t win. And as for him saying can I please unblock him from my pictures on Facebook. Tell him he can look at your ugly face in person until he decides what to do about Jennifer.

You’re everything I am not. I own up to reality. You know. Stop oppressing yourself. Stay with him after you read all this and your fooling yourself. Remember when I warned you on MySpace, but I guess you looked past the IM’s. You just called him when he was on the phone with me. You can also tell Angel I am not mad at him for breaking our pact, with the marriage thing. But when money calls, you got to do what you got to do.

And as far as jumping me, I pity the fools who speak of it.

Wow

So someone just said to me, I know what type of girl you are. I figure where this is going. He is going to riff raff about me thinking I am better than everyone else. But he doesn't, instead he says," You have a blog right" and of course I said yes. Come on, your reading it now. He then says I am outspoken so never mind. Meaning he doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

Who wins in this story, you or I ?

It's true I am very outspoken. What person isn't, the ones that are are the ones you don't fuck around with.

Sleep Beauty

I want you out of my head.
The tears are flowing now.
I am silent when it comes to this hidden emotion.
Stubborn each day
I stay around
Wishing for some time in your soft arms and
Meeting your sure lips with mine which are sure as unstable

I’m currently well adjusted to the life I choose to live.
My fingers on my damp pillow,
My arms hanging on the outskirts of the front of my bed.
Longing for your warmth.
Needed it as much as my sanity.
Holding on to the thought,
Dreaming, sacredly.
Forced with the burden of promising forever even though,
He bleeds with the hunger of knowing she loves him
Though she hasn’t admitted it,
Surely he feels it.

My arms lifeless,
My eyes still and my heart beating normally.
His presence and his kiss wakes me for the moment he
Acts like my existence matters.

My Ex and I

Passionate friends
Inadequate lovers
Resulted in a must needed
Good-bye

I guess you found someone who loved you more than I did
Even when a few weeks before you said you wished for it.
I guess your fate granted you your wish.
Because you took a go at what you said you would never do.
Rings, City Hall and adultery

Dreamer

She doesn’t have to stand and wait by the phone, but she does.
Helplessly she is proving to herself, she is settling.
Never mind the idea she feels forgotten,
But she settles for his arrival when he comes around.
Wishing he’d change back to who she fell in love with.

Shaking her head she collapses,
And accepts every fire dies.
Lying on the floor a shadow appears and lifts her close
To his damp heart longing for her,
Even though he hasn’t said a word.

She feels his love and loves him back.
Stupid in love,
And it’s ironic she cares for him
Like she knew him her whole life,
It’s a shame she died in his arms on this frightful night.

She was dreaming, it didn’t really happen.
The feelings she felt and the tears
Were the only thing that were real.

Noting that his eyes are so perplexed
With her yearning for his thrill.
She doesn’t know why he makes her happy,
She just knows that he does.
Helping her ego, she disses him in hope she can stop loving him.
Lacking her knowledge of the risk she is taking.

She has never had her heart broken,
But she should count on it.

Life of a Villain

The life of the villain,
On a killing spree,
Birthing.
Without a cause in the world,
Life is so unjust.

There death, forgotten
Bigger problems
Him himself, attacking the children
And woman he made a vow to protect.

My the type her oldest daughter reaches
The age of fifteen, she is baffled with the fight of
A stalker.
He promises her he loves her.
He doesn’t know he made her and
Neither does she.

He rapes her the same day he decides
He has to have her.
In the very place this villain,
Created her and killed her mother as the child,
His child barely lay with her heart fragilely beating.

Ironically she became pregnant,
Baby was born and labeled a retard.
The life of a villain and he is evil choices and
The life his children have to live.

Song of the Week---- I Refuse

First and foremost, I want to say R.I.P to Aaliyah Dana Houghton. I refuse is an epic song with an woman who walks away from an relationship because she isn’t happy. She sings so beautiful all the things she refuses to do.

- I refuse to have one more sleepless night.
- I feel like I would die if I broke down and cried.
- I refuse to ignore the fact I feel to the floor the day you walked out the door.
- I refuse to take it anymore.

It’s an empowering song, implanting her choice to no longer settle.
Major Download.

Answered

1. Why do we bother with love when it doesn’t last?

Love is a temptation, sparked by the light sky and hollow as a cloudy night. It is something that gives young and old woman hope. Despite its baffled, circumstance and the burden your heart must deal with. I’ve been in love once, and then maybe I am in it now. One thing I learned is that love is not a choice, it just happens. You can control your emotions and your feelings. But loving someone you can never control it.

Love may not last but while it does it is the best feeling to basketball. It’s an amazing sure feeling that gives so many hope for the experience. Hope that they are worth it and so much more.

2. Can you fall in love with someone based on a kiss?

I rarely kiss the people I date. I turn my cheek, raise my neck or flat out let them no; they won’t be kissing my soft lips. It’s something I have believed and lived by for most of my life.

It’s only because I love easily, the sweet passion with a kiss. Makes me fall and I swear I fall in love off a kiss. So I don’t.

3. What is in a hello when before the night is over you are going to say goodnight?

The hardest thing for me to say is goodbye, only when I love or care about someone. I guess saying goodbye in a night span is significant because you will meet again. But what if you don’t and it is worth finding out.

4. Did I just write a song about this boy?

Yes, I did. I wrote this song about the boy I talk to. It’s called. Love song. I can’t say anymore about it.

5. Do you wait around for what you want and sort of have?

I don’t have patience; I don’t like lines and hate waiting rooms. In fact, I loathe them both. When it comes to shopping and things of this nature, I buy a medium because of my boobs and pants are a wrapped around my neck. When I decide to wear the clothes, this is the first time I try them on. If they don’t fit, I give it away or get someone to return it for me. After writing this and what not, I see this as a problem. With my personal life, love life and social life.

If a movie is good, really good I want it to end. I need to see the happy ending. After all I have been through watching it, I deserve that much. This too shows how my life is array and how I lack patience.

The process behind the society we live in makes my stomach weak. Everyone wants the gift of love but we don’t grasp it. I admit I rush into things. That’s why a few months ago, I had one last cry. The cry that next time I would get it right. I am in my next time. And you know what.

I am currently waiting around. It’s so damn weird, waiting around for what I sort of grasping. Me waiting for him and lacking patience is going to be the end of us. I am still trying to decide what made me decide to wait. I think it’s because he said I couldn’t.

So my answer is this, you wait until you can’t anymore. You need validation, not exposure to idea of moving on.

A(n) US

There can be an ‘us’,
Only if he wants it,
The way I see it.
I am the only one,
No need to question him
In regards to what I already know.

I’d leave him,
But I’d rather play pretend
With myself and the love I wish to have.
Faking my feelings and hiding the truth.

There can be an ‘I’
Only if I’d realize all I needed was me.
The way I see it.
He is the only one,
No need to question me
In regards to the love I need.

Chris Brown Us Ladies

One of my favorite R&B singers, Chris Brown tweeted what do woman what to hear to feel more appreciated. I thought about it overnight and find myself liking only half of popular singers LP’s because they tend to have lots of single like songs. Dance and not enough love songs. I just love, love songs.

I personally want to hear more songs that distinguish a singer from the rest and Chris Brown does that. His own sound and even writes them.

So I came up with a list of what I think woman want to hear songs about.
- “Love”, what does love mean to you?
- Relationships that failed, why.
- Your take on love.
- Love that has to end because it only goes wrong
- In a guy point of view what a broken heart feels like.
- The beginning of love.
- Why love sometimes fail.
- The ideology of not accepting love.
- Goodbyes- Not like the Say Goodbye but a goodbye that has to end because
- Realizing you loved something that didn’t even exist



Random, but did you ever think about doing an album, that started off defining the beauty of why you love woman, and ending with a song why you can’t be with the current woman you love.

These are a few thoughts about what I want to hear songs about.
I hope you like them and make a song for at least one.

Ms. Dependent

She doesn’t have to stand and wait by the phone, but she does.
Helplessly she is proving to herself, she is settling.
Never mind the idea she feels forgotten,
But she settles for his arrival when he comes around.
Wishing he’d change back to who she fell in love with.

Shaking her head she collapses,
And accepts every fire dies.
Lying on the floor a shadow appears and lifts her close
To his damp heart longing for her,
Even though he hasn’t said a word.

She feels his love and loves him back.
Stupid in love,
And it’s ironic she cares for him
Like she knew him her whole life,
It’s a shame she died in his arms on this frightful night.

She was dreaming, it didn’t really happen.
The feelings she felt and the tears
Were the only thing that were real.

Noting that his eyes are so perplexed
With her yearning for his thrill.
She doesn’t know why he makes her happy,
She just knows that he does.
Helping her ego, she disses him in hope she can stop loving him.
Lacking her knowledge of the risk she is taking.

She has never had her heart broken,
But she should count on it.

Stolen Soul

You’re a son of a gun,
Stealing souls.
Acting like the ones you hurt,
All for shelter,
You stopped believing,
I live because I do, believe.

Stealing souls,
And forcing emotions
You in reality will never feel.
Epic for the demon
Who stole my everything
Left me lifeless,
Searching for more souls who didn’t
Seem to believe in love.

Bleeding from my stomach,
Hands in a fist, standing.
Protecting the body my soul choose.

Star

I need you out of my head.
The tears are flowing now.
I am silent when it comes to this hidden emotion.
Stubborn each day
I stay around
Wishing for some time in your soft arms and
Meeting your sure lips with mine which are sure as unstable

I’m currently well adjusted to the life I choose to live.
My fingers on my damp pillow,
My arms hanging on the outskirts of the front of my bed.
Holding onto memories of you and me.

I’m here, you’re not.
You’re here, in my mind.
I am losing control of my thoughts,
Going to blame it on the bandages on my eye,
Blinding me and hiding my sight.
You’re in my mind, I out to want you out.

Maybe Not

I shouldn’t have asked,
It was meant to be the spur of the moment,
Neither one of us would forget.
Though, I know you won’t.
I won’t. I never had sex with someone I love
The way you and I did.

Oh we did didn’t we.
We were amazing,
The beginning, the spurs
Oh how you please me.

But we know I know,
This is about temptation,
Battling with the desire to have you,
And please you like you please me.

Still I shouldn’t have asked,
You should have kissed me.
Kissed me and made love to me,
Exactly how you seemed fit,
Know we will never have a first time,
Each time may as well be the last time.

Him/Her

Her tears scare him.
Enough to make him leave.
But he’ll be back like
He never left.

Her feelings scare him.
Enough to make him run.
But he’ll be back like
He never left.

Great love is selfish,
Inadequate of triumph
And the struggles of her.
The tears and the feelings
And the love she hasn’t confessed to.

His confusion scares her.
Enough to make her sit it out.
But I’ll be gone like
I was never there.

His distance scares her.
Enough to make her sit it out.
But I’ll be gone like
I was never there.

Great love ends,
Sustaining the reality of worth.
And the negotiating of herself.
The confusion and the distance
And the truth he hasn’t confessed to.

Pleasure vs. Time

I shouldn’t have asked,
It was meant to be the spur of the moment,
Neither one of us would forget.
Though, I know you won’t.
I won’t. I never had sex with someone I love
The way you and I did.

Oh we did didn’t we.
We were amazing,
The beginning, the spurs
Oh how you please me.

But we know I know,
This is about temptation,
Battling with the desire to have you,
And please you like you please me.

Still I shouldn’t have asked,
You should have kissed me.
Kissed me and made love to me,
Exactly how you seemed fit,
Know we will never have a first time,
Each time may as well be the last time

Hey,

Despite the fact that I am crying now, I wasn't crying over you. Well I was. But there was a million other things. You were just the icing on the cake. There are quiet a bit of things going on and i'm stressed. I firgured you would calm me down. Help me laugh, listen to my corny jokes, etc.But I cried and I scared you away. I am sorry. It has nothing to do with you.I am emotional what girl isn't.

I don't love you and I don't miss you and I care about you enough.
You see I told you what you wanted to hear.

But I do want to see you, I forgot what you look like.
I forgot what your lips taste like, and off the record. I am mad at you, not crying about it. Though. I rarely cry. I don't ever express how I feel to the person I feel something for I just move on.

I know you are busy, I am busy too. But the thing is I am willing to make time for you where as you won't for me.

I thought about this really hard. Harder than I ever thought about anything concerning you. As you know I have been contemplating the ending of this "game" *don't say it's not a game, because it's nothing more* I have decided that, *clears throat*, maybe one day we can pick up where we left off. Since you clearly are no longer interested.

It was fun, and I thought I meant something to you. That's why I asked you and us happened. But then you disappeared. Epic, wasn't it. I thought maybe at least two seasons but you didn't. It's cool.

Everything ends for the reality to begin.
I feel bad, I basically told you I wasn't going anywhere and I am giving up and I told you I wouldn't remember you when school starts another lie. I think about you all the time. I miss you , alot. Again off the record.

I am sorry. I like to get my thoughts out this time I shared them with you.

Left Searching

Left searching,
Heart dying.
I am letting this love beat me.
As the feelings allows my tears to fall into defeat,
He blames me for my tears that he
Caused without a single touch,
Some argue it is love.

Just the other night,
His soft voice, whispered into my phone
And he said, “Tell me you love me.”
My heart sat warm.
Unequipped with the delicate emotions
I can’t speak out on, but surely I feel.

He runs from her tears,
Divided by all he doesn’t know.
The love she feels equates greatly to the
Beating of her dying heart.
Left searching in adequate to time lost loving.

Season

You are so much more than a season.
And sweetheart that is the reason,
The blistered nights and our wet skin
And the passion we had all but once
Feels my lungs and never could I make it pass
The reality of my tears
Prevent me from staying around
And the shallow behavior you grew on your shoulder.

You feel as if you pleasuring me with a little head
From here to there,
I’d forget, but lovers never forget
They quietly deal with it.
Realistic tears and uneven kisses.
Love like no love is enough for a good riddance.

Dear Sister

You are settling for something just so you can say you have it, can’t you tell. You got into the relationship so you can make the announcement to Facebook, brag to it about it to your ‘friends’ and you figure depending on your relationship with your family there is bond for jealousy. So you’re in this relationship even though there isn’t anything real about it. But the image it has and what you tell yourself to feel is enough to make you stay.

You stay even though; you wait by the phone for his call.
You stay even though; you know you’re just a number.
You stay even though; you aren’t getting anything you want out of your ‘relationship’.
You stay even though; you are telling yourself what to feel.

What you don’t understand is you don’t have to do this to please your ego.

You’re pleasing him with his distant I see you when I see you visits and the ass he gets as soon as he asks with no questions needed. You’re seen as easy in his eyes. Let me guess, you think its love. When the following occurs:

- He whispers in your ear how much he loves you. But then he fucks you.
- He randomly texts you, in regards to what you’re doing.
- He makes you smile.
- He has you feeling like you are in the movies.

The prey of the wet tightness in your god forsaken pants, and his deep strokes sends your warmth into a panic, and this is only if you’re not having sex. There are the girls who are waiting out and then there are the girls who feel like they have something to prove.

Please remember the following:

Your self esteem is a reflection of what you allow to happen and what you do your best to prevent. Staying prisoner to something just so you can smile half of the time and lie to yourself the whole time.

Be strong, smart enough to know your worth.

Song of the Week- Would’ve been the one

This is a snap your fingers song by Solange Knowles. I love the beat of the song. Once this week I had this song on repeat to the point where I was just listening to it, I think this song is beautifully written. And though I am not going through what Solange is going through. Being in a relationship requires communication, which lacks since the said brother is a player. He is possession of about nine mistresses. Despite his tattoo of her name and the linage of feelings they have between each other.

Favorite lines are but limited to:

- And you don’t know you steal many spaces,
- She don’t know she is one of many loves.
- We can’t fix him if we tried
- She was cool with just fooling around.
- I would’ve been the one
- And he if loved me that much and still did be wrong, I feel sorry for you just for holding on.

Yeah so check it out. This song makes me want to download every Solange song right about now.

Summer Romance

Perception of the miscalculations that coexist
With his wants and her divine lack of time
Struggling with her words and longing for his lips
Eyes are closed and watered,
As she masks her tears
Listens to her need of his aroma but smokes
His scent into her lungs until she has enough of him
Then she spits him out.
Cries and wants him some more
Helplessly she can’t seem to figure herself out.
What she wants and why she puts up with his speedy visits
And the shallow I-don’t-see-you-for-weeks.
It just can’t be love, it can’t be lust
It is the lack of presence and so much trust that was made up but not love.
Love doesn’t exist, to her.
She thought that is what she was in once,
But then and even the time before that,
She was forcing emotions
Between herself and the other, his name irrelevant, like the summer to her.
Baffled by the triangular relationship she tiptoed into his realm of
Being a bachelor and the ideology of him wanting her.
She loves him enough. There isn’t an emphasis on the word or huge gallant smile
On her sculpted cherry red face when she mentions it,
But it’s how she feels nonetheless.
Low-key and in the sphere of make-believe, she dreams
Of the never ending partnership between the two.
He fornicates and she takes her place,
Settling. Settling for what she feels she deserve.
Even though there are times when he comes around
and her face has had enough of smiling.
Surely there is an reason for her insides warming
and feeling like they’ve never felt before.

She’d love him forever,
Starting with fall.
If he’d promise with his all
He would catch her when she decided to fall
And lift her up when she couldn’t and
Not love her back for goodness sake.
Since goodbyes aren’t something she is good at
She likes to save the feelings and love shit for the sucker who can handle it.
He can’t so she moves on,
On a late summer August night in 2010.
Struggling with her emotions as she thinks if only.
If only I didn’t meet you this summer.
The wind is enough to make a blind man stand tall and not be frightened by the thunder.
Though she swore and he wouldn’t let her get away with suggesting there fling
Would make it past the summer breeze,
Her coyest behavior was enough to make her stay right here.
Waiting.
For him to stop speeding past her heart.
Waiting.
For him to stop settling for the battled nights of her not by his side.
She is waiting, no longer frustrated with where this may never go.
If another season awaits she welcomes but not another month of being
Friends with the lover who is so much more than a lover.
Hugging herself alone under her covers
Saying his name
Him feeding her soul. `

Him

He’s too humble to know he is perfect.
He likes the wind but wishes it didn’t blow him away.
She burdens herself every time he commends her for being her.
She loathes the time apart and loves the distance.
There so alike, sweet as a secret they can’t let get out.
Her eyes wander and he takes a gander to figure out
Why she drifted off without him into this deadly night.

Lifting his sprits she kissing him gently,
Hiding her doubts with her wet moist.
She lets him in, because she swears he is worth it.
Mind made up even though, she doesn’t know why
She rushed she swears to the lords,
She should have had more time.
To quiver in his presence,
Kiss his ears and neck while he held her,
Picturing it would be pleasant.

Wired feeling, dies when he comes alive around.
Sparkled teeth and loving him makes her complete.
The idea of who he is and not what is enough to make her
Kiss him from his lips toward the top of his face.
Certain he wouldn’t have it any other way.
So she stays with Mr. Perfect, nonetheless she is his love(r).

He

The wind from his collar,
Smokes the lungs of the departed.
My ears fake a need
And my lips won’t form a smile.
Soon your warmth won’t be enough for me to stay around.

As of now, I am exhausted.
Running from my conscience
Breathing weakly and waiting to smile again.
Echoed whispered sympathy hasn’t telepathy reached him as of yet.

Heartbreaker

You intentionally hurt me,
This is why I can’t let you have my tears.
I feared this day would come.
You hurt me so bad,
I am frustrated with breathing.
I have had enough.
But as my heart turns to stone,
I see my woes.

The lighter burns the tip of my hand.
As I light the match,
On my memories that we created,
Once upon a time.
Working out your goals,
Even though it’s not what i accepted.
The result, no tears,
Just a lesson learned.

The lesson of heartbreakers and
Never giving up your heart,
Even if you think you are sure.
No amount of tears will be suffice,
So none will be seen, but the beauty of his lies.
Makes a proud soul smile.

Last First Kiss

Nothing is certain,
But our first kiss.
It was destined.
So sure.
I would give anything to share
It with you, again.

My right eye certain
That tomorrow it will end,
A goodbye is evident as his lack
Of keeping a promise.

But the last kiss,
Hasn’t happened.
When it does,
It is destined
Like our tomorrow.

Her

Criminating taste,
Oh how I thirst for it.
The juice of her left lip,
mixed with the right one.
I shiver as I lick my lips and
am still able to taste her.

This happens to be the only
Thing I do more for me and
No one else.
I know she is pleased,
The wetness is enough for me.
To make me walk away
But not forget this moment,
Which lives in my memory.

John Doe

He needs her to sing the blues,
Since he wants to prove she is his fool
She wants him to buy her that star
That shines right above her window and seems so close to Mars.

But her settling and his news,
That he is leaving her for his tunes.
Her tears are by far the joy to his eyes and his never ending compliance with now.
His temper, her love for him, is equal to the ending of the low life she met before him. Great.

Shade

He is the truth
This is a problem.
Flaws headed behind his light skin
Respect shown as if I am his next kin
Treats me better than a simple girlfriend
And then some,

He is my smile,
Searching for the reality of
Not understanding
The infamous of why he chooses me,
Here come the insecurities, the doubt,
The imbalanced emotion of who deserves what.

I am his shade.
Balanced by my desire for rain.
Surfaced through the sand storm that is his name.
I stay on my knees as they bleed,
He shows no remorse as he wraps up his night,
Failing to acknowledge my plight to be here.

Tattoo

That tattoo, this tattoo
That you drew into my skin,
Even then when it was no more than a scar
Blessed by you
Because we took it too far.

That tattoo, this tattoo
I wear on my right leg,
Right above my knee.

This tattoo, that tattoo,
Made me stop having affairs
With yours truly.

Insertion

Insert your worse fear here.
Followed by the one you love.
Ending with something you can’t understand.

Insert the music his heart sings when your body is on top of his.
Followed by the soul you breathe when he enters you.
Ending with the ending you will surely be subjected too.

Insert his name after your first
Followed by the reality of a proposal
Ending with an invalidated ring on your ring finger.

Insert what you really feel
Followed by what doesn’t matter
Ending with the kiss you share at the altar.

Settled

Settling requires a little forgetting.
Forgetting everything you believe in.
And falling hard for a boy who doesn’t
Give a damn, if you’re breathing.

Oh, I am so deep in love.
I believe it.
Stay around, fucking myself,
Until he wants me.
I get it hot and good
It’s warm and shit
When he comes around.

Nevertheless, I am dying inside.
Each day I stay.
I bleed tears and cringe for oxygen.
Validating my worries with his excuses,
It’s potent I’m around because I was high off him
And so willing to wither at my knees for a per boy
Who means everything to me.
But grasp what I mean to him.

Haunted

I still hear you inside of me.
Such pleasure and spunk and damn, your unique.
But your soul,
Must leave,
I need to be complete again.
You made me so weak,
I urge you to breathe me out.

I need to move on,
Your simply a ghost, and a ghost
You are, does nothing but haunt
My soul.

Sex with You

Make love to me,
I’m sure I am ready.
This wasn’t about time,
You know our wait.

It was just the meaning,
I wanted it to have.
Plus, I had to figure out
Exactly it is you mean to me.

And therefore I figured out this:

This is a onetime event,
Even though you’re everything to me.
I’m going to do my best to leave the imprint of
My clitoris on your stache
And my sweet juices on the rim of your nose.

Soon after, hold me close,
And for this moment and only this moment.
I’ll mean everything too you to.
I’ll kiss you passionately, while our hands are exploring
our bodies.

My back is arched forward, just enough to allow your
Soul to meet with mine.
I cry out,
Because it hurts and feels good.
Love, it’s been a while.

I grip my fingers onto your back,
Your neck tastes like candy,
Especially when we’re one.
I utter your breath, and then I come once.
The pleasure that continues will never be enough.

You whisper sweet some things in my earlobes.
I push you off, accepting it’s your turn and I enjoy
This part, it’s extremely fun.
I slide your finger into my wetness, twice.
I climb on top of you and ride the pleasure,
you once was able to taste.

You come and then I’m gone.
Ghost like, what a shame.

I let you have me though.
I allowed you to explore the beauty
Of exactly what it is I am.
The sex was amazing,
I still can’t breathe.

Settle

I sold my soul.
I sink deeper.
No longer falling for him,
But giving up on what we will never become.

I don’t know what I want,
But I am sure I know
What I can’t settle for.

Can’t settle for
This square cake,
When he promised he would
cherish my request for a round one.

Can’t settle for
A ghost when he was once a person.

Can’t settle for silver,
when I was once wearing gold.

Fly Away

Let’s familiarize ourselves with the specimen,
Dying in thy hands.
One of my tear drops moves it,
It hears the splash and is tip toeing onto
His wings, flirting with me.

The color of his skin,
Beautiful, I’ve never seen it before.
I watch as the guy,
I conditionally love,
Looks my way,
Watching me, spit up his lie.
This is what I feel in love with.

Butterfly, Oh sweet,
Colorful, butterfly,
Fly away.
The feelings are gone.

Beautiful

Your ugly eyes,
Such ugly eyes.
I’ve never even noticed them.
Even as there laughing,
I see how ugly they are.

But you, you’re beautiful.
I’d kiss those precious eyes
Until I believe there weren’t
What they appear to be.

I’d love you regardless of these eyes
The reflection when you look into mine,
We’re complete. Can’t you see.
I don’t care what your outer self
portrays you to be.

Dear Half of my Heart

If I said I wasn’t in love with you, it’d be another lie I whispered into your ear. I can admit I have simply fallen, day one. Stupidly, I put my guard down to quick.
I can’t deny the huge wall I previously built up. It comes off as me being shy. I know you think I am shy but in all reality, I could shit my pants at the thought of all of this.

The ‘this’ you ask is the thought of being hurt when you feel like it. You’re the type of guy worried about hurting MY feelings and ruining it for the next. And you shall, I am sick of giving the male role chance after chance only to let me down. After this “shit” surpasses us, I am going to cry. Surely I will I am crying now. But it’s going to be once more. Because I foolishly allowed you to get too close.

Clearly you know this isn’t going to last. Outing our current status, I wish I had the energy or will to object. The tear falling down your lips, lucky you it is mine.

Can we mutually get this over with, I am in need of so much more.

In and then Out

The tip of the pen
reminds me of your
fatal exit.
Justified good-bye
needed only because
I asked for it.

I can't deny the
potent tears escaping my eyes
These miserable tears,
were slow,
then diving
down my cheek bones.

I'm hurting
like never before
wishing for
answers to justify all of this,
falling in and
out of love shit.

Dead Butterfly

You told me not to miss you,
So I tried it your way.
And I must say,
For your sake,
Don’t ever tell ME what I should feel.

I’d envy you,
Seek vengeance on my weak heart.
Honey,
I miss you. I miss you.
There, I said it. I even caught the butterflies
That died and swallowed them.

I’m happy now.

Butterflies Part 2

I opened my mouth,
only to find the butterflies that stuck inside, escape.
I watched them, beautifully die.
This is how life happens, he mumbles a wow.

I cry out, I am finally able to breathe.
The warm sure feelings died as well.
The blood that flows from eyes,
Freaks him out.
He hasn’t ran, yet.

But, he understands what happens know,
Once the butterflies leave.
So does he,
The feelings aren’t there anymore.

Song of the Week --- Time

How come you don't make time for me anymore ?

I've asked this question a few times. Power jogged all the reasonable answers but considered his. With school starting soon, work and an internship there is no Nazma time.

So this Ne-Yo joint is getting played. I love this song and am considering moving on to someone who takes the time.

I gave in, little does he know. Know more me reaching out.

Oh

Oh how I missed that smile,
With your amazing
Delicious lips.

I can’t say quickly enough,
How much I miss kissing you.
I can’t handle your love,
But I want more.

Oh how I missed your embrace,
With your huge heart,
Hearing mine.

I can’t say quickly enough,
How I needed this.
I can’t handle your love,
But I need more.

Ohh how I missed you.

Song of the Week --- Can't be Friends

I have decided to frequently put a song on here, preferably a love song that I think you guys should check out.

Today’s song without a doubt is Trey Songz, Can’t be Friends.

I only downloaded this song 4 days ago and have already played it 33+ times. I love the words of the song. Though I am not going through what Trey Songz is singing about. Both the chorus and hook, I clearly relate to.

My favorite lines are:
- She told me bad news days are gone.
- It ain’t no way in hell, that I can be just friends with you.
- I wish I never feel so deep in love with you there ain’t no way we can be friends.
- Maybe we were moving just a little too fast.
- I wish we never loved.

I guess things that he just happens to be saying. I actually am going through. But what the heck.
I am human.

Shadow

Creeping until my circumstance is fulfilled.
I think if I am ask him to explain where I failed,
I’d have better luck asking him to eat me while I’m pure.

Our goodbye makes no sense.
But neither does the way we met.
I’d have a better try, growing balls and holding them.

Relationships

When it comes to relationships, situations involving love I have learned that I can’t settle. I sort of came to this conclusion when I realized that I am settling for other things in my life. I have settled in the past, settled in love. When I want something and even in when I didn’t. I have since stopped settling. I know understand that in order to complete myself, I need to accept my worth. The acceptance of your worth begins when you accept you have one.

I just happen to be happy, despite the miscalculations of where I saw myself years ago. But I have come quite far, none the less. Being the person that I am today, I don’t like who I was years ago. Well in relationships anyway. I was always setting.

There was Tyshawn, such a mistake. A mistake I regret, not only did he have a baby on me and cheat on me. He lied to me. Everything I asked him not to do, he did.
I moved on with Perry, a no better ass, who didn’t ever mention he had two kids and that he was still with his children’s mother and had a next girlfriend. I don’t myself I suck at choosing.

When those relationships failed, I saw myself unsettled and didn’t think I would get into another relationship because I didn’t trust. But I did. I got into two relationships that changed both my life and my way of thinking. Each person changed my look on relationships and decisions I choose to make.
Though I was suppressed from not understanding I didn’t think I had anything to learn. Or understand but a good friend, Aryanna, said that everyone enters and leaves your life they all serve a purpose. I never second thought it, I believed it.

I quickly, figured out Brandon purpose. Everything he did was just so clear to me. Everything that mattered was so irrelevant when it came to anything but sex with the two of us. We were both good at it. We called each other and tried our best to please each other. We threw time at each other, rarely. I accepted it. I was satisfied with the memory of the last time. It kept me interested. It kept us vital.
The beginning of us was simple. We were friends. No strings attached. We ended having some of the best sex. My decision to have sex was granted because I truly liked him and cared for him. A small part of me, figured it would make us exclusive. I can admit it brought us closer. But that was until he found something new on my campus. Our “relationship” struggled and then ended. I think I summed it well.

From this experience, I learned sex does not make someone stay. Never depend on someone to satisfy your needs. You should first depend on yourself. At first, I felt used. But I got everything I put in. Didn’t expect that sudden ending. My favorite lessons are the following :

a. You are worth something.
b. Settling for less than you think you deserve is the ultimate sin.
c. Don’t be afraid of a promising good-bye.

I should have talked about Angel at first, but I just gained access to restricted information needed to let him go. I began dating Angel in September of 2007. We were epic, so deep in “love” and no one could stop us but us. My tears got too much for us when I accepted his departure in the military. Our relationship was inconsistent between December of 2008 and October of 2009. We argued about the distance but I always stayed because I knew he was who I wanted. It just seemed right.

But now I know.

d. You don’t stay when problems don’t change.

Another problem that was the barrier of bad news was the heartfelt misery of not having him there when I needed him. Or the aftermath me cheating on him with a previous ex, Perry. The pain of breaking up twice and then getting back together. Only to break up with me when a former crush comes along. We had a short meaningful affair while he dated her and hid me on the top shelf.
It stopped when he told me he married her. From this I know.

e. You move on, on your own terms.
f. You can force yourself to endure pain, only because you figure you deserve it.
g. You never see you’re settling, until you notice what you have ended up doing.
h. Tomorrow is a brighter day.

Now I have sensed move on. No sensible, relevant feelings for neither.
Currently I am in a involved with a great boy, who let’s just say. I am taking my time with and he does the same for me. it is great because he has me talking. Most know I rather text, write a poem or letter. So this is great. I am happy .Don’t feel like I am settling. Just haven’t felt like writing out my feelings. Though most poems are about him.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

I watch him run from it all,
I want to run after him.
But I did that once,
This time isn’t like the last.
He is looking back.

He shouts no more than
Wait right there.
Wait right there for me.

Choice

I picked you that’s what gets on all these jawns nerves.
Never mind how much thought I put into my decision to let
The guard I have so high, down.

I get clumsy at the thought of me being blinded.
The body your soul lives in is the body your soul live in.
I don’t care about your hazel eyes and sweeten lips.
Your height, means just as mine, fluorescent.
You hate when I wear sneakers,
I would take them off and more for you.

I picked you that’s what everyone is so worried about.
They want me to review my choice.
The majority of the people that matter to me say
I may have made a mistake.

The only mistake, I made so far.
Was worrying. Worrying about my choice to trust to love.
To care for someone just as much as they did for me.

Done

Carrier of bad news.
Frail and unseen feelings,
that are felt.
I wish I didn't feel this
and I knew what was going on.

He has time for everyone but me,
was i just a beautiful smile.
hidden behind the personality i wear
and the kisses i sweetly lay on your lips.

echoes of the never before seen demons
circling my head,
appaulding themselves for ruining my
short amount of happiness.
At least they said I deserved it.

Forgotten like last summers hit song,
yet remembered as soon as it is heard.
The next time you see me,
your going to see me.
Never mind, never touch me again.

I'm so focused on missing you,
i stopped concluding why we don't speak any longer.

Stupid in Love

His time is like the battery
on your cheap ass phone.
The love he is supposed to feel
is the upgrade you will never acquire.
You stay around only because
when he is around the smile he forwards to you is exquisite.
Every time you tell yourself to give him another try.

But the tears that come back
once his old ways come back into the picture
are enough to make me whelp out in pain.
I said goodbye to him once.
So uncertain with my blinded eye.

Single

Laughter rotates the room,
This isn’t what bothers me though.
It is the distant, “I told you so”.
I hear it at least thrice.

So many eyes are on mine.
This is the celebration
I receive, when someone who means
The world to me walks out of my life.

Perplexed emotions will surface,
And then collide with my conscience.
Adjacent jargons. Nothing leaves my mouth.
Time of the essence, I am no fool.

But I am hurting, silently.
Damp eyes, which are tired of thinking.
Low moans and a high pitch sigh of

I can not sit here and pout because
he gave me a ring and then took it back.
The ring that tanned my ring finger,
Is off.

Involuntary manslaughter

The death of the vitamin
he inculpated into her lungs
and the distance is a paradox
to her delicious smile
and the love he doesn’t feel
is the sin she hasn’t come to understand.

She is lost,
Searching for what will never make sense.
Oblivious to the love he runs from.
She decides to play tag,
watching,
breathing in some heavy populated air.
She has her first and last heart attack
and her subconscious only wants him to come to her rescue.

I witnessed the man she waited for, he made her seem dumb.
I say she caused it on herself. Her problem was settling for scum.
He watched her die and the culprit so heartless did nothing but run.
Her skin was left cold, and her eyes left opened.
Shutting them was a task, he didn’t risk fulfilling.
But he watched as I her subconscious, was speechless.
Now lifeless, I knew he didn’t plan on rescuing us.

Distance

Distance makes pleasure unique
What makes me weak
Is the feeling of being
Incomplete
Like for this whole time
I have been wasting time
Going back and forth
Telling my heart lies
Having to figure out
What I am doing
Arguing with myself
Nazma, please possess
Some other emotion besides confusion.

Ending something
That was suppose
To last a little younger
Just made me
Establish
One thing
The end of us

I’ve learned to accept shit,
For whatever
It may or may not be
I do not do regretting.
I can’t even allow myself
To resent
I do tend to try so hard
So very hard to forget.

Naked with a Kiss

Fully clothed even though it is
Summer.
She is sweating, and drenched d’evil
You’re in each other’s company.
Yearning, for her intellect,
Only for a second she slips and lets you in.

I breathe heavily to the pace of his heart.
I hear it when he leans down on me.
The beat of my heart is irregular,
I am thrown from his balcony.
By some stranger I have never seen.

I cling onto the bars, my black high boots.
Hold me up.
The person I am settling for, seems as if he
Is deciding whom he wants to save.
The relationship or me.

I plunge to the floor, which purposely isn’t even a fall.
The pants I struggled to put on have a hole down my back.
I arched the smallness in my lower back ,
Attempting to hide the skin, that is visible.

I have yet to feel the taste of his pink lips,
I imagine the tickle my heart feels when it happens.
He lifts me up my eyes are closed,
His big hands hold my face.
I’m in a world I have never been.
His tears allow my eyes to open,
His lips allow me to trust him.

My skin is more visible since I lack
Any doubts; about trusting him
And destined love.
I’m naked though he won’t have me,
I’m beginning the step of showing him,
I am me.

Daydreaming

It’s the high I get when I see you,
Can’t see myself with you,
Though, I need too.

It’s the light that glows
When you come through,
After sex glow, minus the sex,
Hug me low and long,
I only wonder what is next.

It’s irrelevant, the time we
Waste apart.
When you love me,
And your gone.
It’s a love I can’t forget.

Butterflies Part 2

I opened my mouth,
only to find the butterflies that stuck inside, escape.
I watched them, beautifully die.
This is how life happens, he mumbles a wow.

I cry out, I am finally able to breathe.
The warm sure feelings died as well.
The blood that flows from eyes,
Freaks him out.
He hasn’t ran, yet.

But, he understands what happens know,
Once the butterflies leave.
So does he,
The feelings aren’t there anymore.

Dear Child

The cocaine that use to struggle through
Your tiny premature veins,
Is your excuse for the tirades you start
And haven’t learned to end.

I too was once a child,
With a parent with no sure direction.
One doing her.
Your as safe as you deserve to be now.

No more heart can reach you,
Only certain, sure love.

Mr. Popular Demand

From a far you do more than ice grill
A hot chick, hood average chick.
The navel to her thighs you imagine,
What she feels like.

She gets close and you are checking out
Only enough for her not to see.
Temptation, the songs you sing
About beating it from the back.
She does no more but imagine that.

No more but a picture is obtained but you
Will never forget her grace.
You defiantly checked her out
When she walked away.

Branded

I write on my skin
And I succeed in
the pain I have caused
to myself.
I use my wrists to
Make what I feel permanent.

Stretch out the irregularly
with locking my door
as the tasks unfolds.

This lit cigarette,
I found it in the ashtray,
and the unjust rhythm I’ m moving in
I heard it on the radio.
Of the car I saw you passing by with some girl,
I have never heard of.

Guides me to the branding I must create
Of what matters
What will and what just won’t.

The sweat swims from my cheeks
To my arm which is straining with the pain
That yelps from my closed lips.
The “I” is done, I drink a sip of tonic finally
I have opened my mouth,
A small moan is released.

I look at the sweaty cigarette,
Relight it and continue with the assignment,
I have created for myself.
“Love” comes next,
Even though it is such a strain.

My conscious is telling me once this is over,
It will be beautiful.
I light the cigarette, pretend not to hear the pounding
On my door.
The M I burn my skin deep.
So deep, I lose my balance.

My wrist looks like I am going to regret this,
But again I know I am one letter away.
I struggle with my E,
I have it looking like a 3.

Past Tense "Love"

I’ve been in love,
So deep in love
Where I felt like I would die if he does.

I’ve been in love,
So deep in love,
Where I thought he was the one.

I’ve been in love
So deep in love
Where I found myself blinded.

But it’s never been anything fully implanted as committed love.
Anything where I felt it was true.
It felt sure, sure as the first kiss and defiant as the last one.

But it’s never been anything more than some
Distinct poem written and shared on the world wide web
for all who cared to read.

But it’s never enough, to say love.
It’s a thought.
Tell yourself anything and you are bound to believe it.

So I believed I’d been in love.
When in fact I was trapped in
A crazy unseen world everyone forced
Themselves to visit.

Now I know I haven’t been in love,
I have just devoted my all into
Someone who I needed when I needed them.

Reality of Others

You’re known for the observations you make,
And the verbal outtake you take on a sad, situation.
Someone can ruin your pre-love,
before it blossoms.
They choose to ruin your happiness because they are
incomplete in their own.

I take a few steps back,
Smile at what I am dealing with.
You’ll never experience love like mine,
So your jealous raid forces you to attempt
To ruin it.

Miss You

Struggled whisper,
I am only able
To mouth about how
My feelings are absurd.
It is meant to be an even toned
Juicy full of irony.

But my lips are dry,
Without you in my reach.
I miss your juicy haunted lips.
Those trembling lips,
Gorgeous lips on mine.
I miss your smile,
Especially when it was beneath mine.

Irregular apologies,
Blessed with a needle and desire
To fix all that you have decided too
you screw up when attempting to do.
I let you in because I need you way more than
You need me.

No Air

This outing is intense.
I learned the reality of love.
It may not always feel right,
But it certainly is real.

It is really happening
Know more then she needs it too:

She stands above him, on her knees.
Stuttering with her warm heart.
She is waiting for you to hold her below
Her pelvis like you usually do.

But you have gone, away from the
World you created.
I can’t help you because I can’t get out.
I never asked because I wasn’t aware
We would eventually come to this.

I focus on his breathe in my mouth,
We ran out of air.
I was dreaming before,
When he left our bubble.

Nervous, for the next dream
When I’m truly myself; weak.

Games I Play

If I could handle the this temperature,
I would be outside enjoying it.
Not sheltered, hiding behind the beauty of
What we can grow to be.

But I am afraid,
Assuming my past will come
Back to haunt me, instead of taking a chance.
I’m acting like I never met you,
Pretending the dust I blew your way wasn’t
So hard for me to do.

Even know as I’m trembling,
Wiping away my own tears; missing you.
I can’t forget you, I still smell you.
It’s a strange eclipse I’m witnessing.

Calling on YOU

I might call you,
can you squeeze into my life.
Dear, how I miss you.
This time I vow to cherish you.
Complelty, call you up far more often
Then you need me.

I would splurge on the things we needed,
To indulge in each other.
We deserve the best, when we are together.

But I have doubts if you are exactly what I need,
The smile you throw at me dies as soon as I stand up
And realize I just devoured you.

I can’t call you, because then you would be above me,
Like you want to, not beneath me. Like I need you.
So I let go of the thought of us as one again,
It would hurt too much knowing I am sneaking away from reality.

Falling

Had to let him go,
he was attempting to break my heart slow.
Should have distanced myself before I slipped
in this shallow water, and it sucks for me.

I can't swim, but I won't drown so I hold onto you.
Lavish you with DEEP and sweet kisses.
Fathom by all times you let me go.
I would wag my hand, and I allowed you.
Instead of drowning, I acted like you never left.

Your amazing, yet inadequate for assuming the water on my
puzzled, yet beautiful face is from this water and not my tears.
Your so exotic, for thinking this is a ocean and not my tears.
You swim so far away from me and then catch me before I drown.
Let you tell the world or even my ear, " We are prefect."

Yet, I am falling.
You have been gone so long.
I am clinging onto this log, waiting.
For me to hit reality, and climb out
forget that I am naked and waiting for your sympathy.
I have been feeding off of it for too long.

One Pass a Million

When we use to kiss,
I was so engrossed with counting every last one.
You and I made it one pass a million,
I remember the passion and how intense I felt.
Praying you where the one,
my heart use to burn and my insides use to feel warm.

It hurts more than you can imagine,
Pretending we never happened.
Acting as though my jaw didn’t hurt so much,
from smiling.
But it is better to play pretend then tell myself,
you where my one more than a million.

Let’s face it, we where a mistake.
An instant misconception,
We rushed and we were so intense when we fucked UP
Everything but each other.
It never got that far,
Still I told myself you where my one pass a million.

As I play the game of Ghost, I miss you.
I choke.
I throw up our last kiss
And play pretend.
I dreamed you and then you disappeared only to reappear
Having me questioning your intentions and do you act like you care.

I cherished you and us I swear.
Told myself that the time spent was all I needed.
I wanted more though; the thought of us caressed snuggled at night.
But you needed something else to survive.
Basically telling me,
You are my one past a million, just not ready for it.

Gift from Rain

Take a few seconds to sit in the rain;
With the first sprinkle of rain
Erases every mistake and
Irregular moment which may have resulted in regret

The rain is now pouring,
You are looking at it,
Your subconscious tells you to dive in.
Head first, fuck the hair you care and flaunt around.

The power of the rain on the night you came to the conclusion
You are nothing but his memory,
He sometimes needs to form an indulgence in.
You allow it, you too are weak and still in love with him.

You can notice no more than the struggle of the love, you
Must let go, for the sanity of what has to be.
This is a fellowship, forget that nothing in life is free.
There is a price you pay, so you can soak in the thrill of moving on.

Feel the rain, taking it all in, have the courage to breathe.
That first drop hits you like lightening, you remember your first kiss.
It was so sweaty, and moist and boogery and but still amazing.
You smell the rain and you allow your body to pulsate in.

Drip. Drip. Drip. The rain is loud and crying.
You feel your reflection booming, you’re so wet.
It’s pounding hard, your now at the place where he chased you and
Told you he loved you. Drip. Drip. Drip.

No one but you are aware of the tears you choose to wear.
The rain is so fucking cold, colder than your lungs and weaker than your soul.
She spits at you, repeatedly. She takes you back to the time he breathed you, and
Promised you forever. Panic escapes your feet and you fall on your knees.

Trapped by the thought of the time he told me he was married, now.
I cling onto the ground that pushed me out into this “rain.”
Waiting for the next memory it wants to dish out, as I know lay on my hands.
I am at the place where I out to be, not focused on an ex who didn’t value me.

The rain it is no longer and am I’m in the process of standing on my two feet.
Right before I kiss the floor, thankful of what I mean to mean.
Fuck how “we” ended and what will never be.
The power of circumstance and what you grow to see.

Good Bye

You left before the forever.
Right after the I love you and
Before the first kiss,
And as soon as I accepted “it”, I mean us.
I didn’t trust us, didn’t give you too much time.
So you left me, thinking I didn’t deserve a good-bye.

I got to throw it out there,
I cried.
Cried like you snatched my blanket,
out of my mouth.

Now I smile, smile
Only because I am over being forgotten.
You weren’t the one,
Wasn’t even worth a memory.
I never got to tell you what you mean to me.

But I hear it now,
The weak laugh
And small nod saying, if only and if maybe.
I gave up loving and I am threw caring,
About the goodbye you walked out on,
For the check you have yet to receive.

Butterflies

Warm sure feeling,
co-exists with my lungs and
it is all so clear.
Our lips they match.
It's intense,
baby my heart wants this.

Your lips, those pink beautiful lips,
and you next to me,
just next to me,
i'm suddenly feeling like we co-exist.

Breath-taking, more than an weak attempt to
stop running.
Remember, when we in the glass jar,
as caterpillars.
I ran from you, ran away so fast.
You ran away too.
But look at us now,
accepting our circumstance of no more
than now.

Kiss

He walks so slowly.
I walk slower, in place of his shadow
That I can’t help but not be able to see.
I smell him as I linger onto his presence,
His showered smell,
Excites me, thrills me.

We will sleep,
Simply sleep once we enter his house,
It’s our way of making love to one another.
I fail to kiss him,
Forget, how bad I want too.
I just can’t, it hasn’t happened in my dreams yet.

How I act in my dreams, I act the same when I am awake,
Young, real young minded.
Your mine, yet I still find myself crushing over you.
In my dream world, I see you so much more.
Daily popped up visits.

Stretched out, as you are knocked out,
Finger in your mouth, eyes closed.
I kiss the side of your lip
There is no dream, it’s just us.
Finally,
I am no longer afraid to fall.

Stay

There is this huge
Black gate up
Between us, you can see me.
You just can’t touch me,
Or understand me.

It’s as if we are in the same train station,
Middle class, and can’t speak because we are
On different platforms.
Yelling.

We are right here.
I refuse to make eye contact,
It’s my way with making love to you.
I need this.
You near, the feeling is enough.
I regret nothing, so far.

I wish I could show you how GREAT I am.
But soon enough, the likes of pussy willing to come
Thrown at you, because of your complexion.
I need you near for who you are not what you are.
Hopefully this is enough to make you stay
Despite the lack of tightness, I throw at you.

Promise

I was an infatuation
Something you wanted because I was there
Happiness eruptued because I believed you cared
Not the type of girl to even care my
Problem was us
I didn’t trust us.

Boy, did I want us.
I wanted us quite more than you want that pay increase
With your fake ass marriage,
You don’t even know what marriage means.

I never got over those lips,
Promised myself I would never kiss another.
You promised you would never go I was yours forever.
But a promise is just word to you.

Hidden behind what I mean to you,
nothing but a promise.

Perfect Boyfriend

This is courtesy of a Formspring question :

The perfect boyfriend is legally independent, makes me laugh,tall, morals, respects woman, doesn’t talk to me for the way I look. Doesn’t attempt to change me only help me grow. A mind of there own. Realistic of life. They have to take me out. I love hanging out.

Love Him

Love him
Despite his bullet wounds
and irregular smile.

Love him
because you want to,
not because you have to.

Love him
for him
not because you want to feel what you witness.

GingerBread Man

Run as fast as you can
If you plan on escaping into a land
With a beautiful sky
And a never ending
Rainbow of nervous rain
That comes ever so often
Afraid to piss you off

But you don’t run,
You think you are too good
For a few muscles aches
And unexplained stomach pains
You fall, he watches you.

You never wanted his help,
He never offered it,
You swear he has different,
The same night, you clean up
Your bruises and change your bandages.
He is right there, waiting to tell sweet talk
Himself into your undergarments

You must value you, your inner self whispers at first.
You strain yourself to climb on top of him
But you do, you make love to him
You’re done, he says to you that feel likes the last time,
You smile and turn around;

I loved you; I was in it for keeps
Where you not aware of what you meant to me
You look at him,
You squeeze the tiny crevice in his neck and he dies.

Diet

My current balanced diet consists of
Empty threats made by yours truly.
Promises of the frail in consistent mind of
What I need
Realm into the fact of what I want

The past to be my future
Minus the distance
And the insecurities and low self--esteem
I swim in.

Morning Thought

When I wake up
I will have erased your scent
From these lips that surely you miss.
Not enough of you to go around

I walk around like you threw me away
But you didn’t,
You simply let me go
To sponsor a better option

I guess you to are aware of my bad credit
Not believing in giving me chances when
I offered you me, all of me
Was willing to give you more than a tiny piece

But then you woke up
You are the typical beast
Who watching the beauty in her sleep
Unknowing she doesn’t know or believe you would leave

But know she is sleeping
Without you, yet you are right there.
Hurting her, without a care in the world,
She stays only because she want s you to see what everyone else does.

Dreaming is a thing of the past
For this reality searcher
Giving the love she had for him to better her.
She wakes up smiling at without a care in the world even for his sincere voice.

Madusa

You are my heaven.
Uneasy as I deal with life.
I use you to get pass everything else.
Devote so much time to you as I attempt to forget everything he
Ever gave me, showed me.

The hard part is wanting what I see.
Just learned the theory of Medusa.
I feel for him before the hello and right after eyes meet
My subtle, huge bright loving eyes.

Eye contact is a penis best friend,
Another form of sex I won’t indulge in.
I say everything and everyone was planned and exists within me for a reason.

Fight

So perplexed with wondering
How does one forget what they have promised
Without being asked.

Your lips don’t move to ask for anything,
Not even the truth,
But your gesture is so real.
Your presence so blissful,
My gut so sure, that
I must walk away
But the mind says you meet her soul’s current standards
So you can stay.

Soulmates

Tell me we weren’t soul mates.
Tell me you don’t think of me as you drift off to sleep,
And even more in your dreams.
You tell me this; I will walk away and leave.

Leave your bloody arms,
And run through your shoulders.
Past that spirit, I cling onto and simply not search.

A love like ours it was so dangerous,
But as you kiss my heart,
Literally kiss my heart.
I know we are stable, code red knocked down to a solid yellow.

Tell me we aren’t soul mates.
Tell me you don’t think of me as you drift off to sleep,
And even more in your dreams.
You tell me this; I will walk away and leave.

You have since settled for money and said fuck our love.
I waited around, thinking this is what lovers do, they wait.
They stay, they simply fuck their pride and dignity and they stay.

Now I am a running in the street naked,
I see a crowd form, but I hear nothing.
I am doing this for you.
A cop shoots me down, before I am able to get to where you wed.
I leave. I breathe.

I crept into a dream,
Not afraid.
Since I know that I will be with you,
Aren’t we soul mates,
I take a step back, I notice you are unsure.

But you can’t tell me we aren’t soul mates.
You can’t stop calling, you can’t stop remembering,
Currently you are reading my words,
Smiling at the thought that I am here,
Without you, but not alone.

Traffic

He is like traffic stretched out on the high way,
I am the angry sun glistened into his car window,
Laughing at the spite I have caused, as I shine bright.
Unbalanced because I rotate.

I rather be his cloud though,
Hiding from what I see happening.
I don’t mind ruining this.
Distant from it all
Sure it will end with me ass in the air,
But I can stop that theory,
I must show him I care.

Or should I be the car itself,
Speeding,
Racing with thunder until he is will my body.
Caressing me. Enjoying me.

I really want to be the traffic lights,
I want to stop a certain odd feeling,
As soon as I reach and indulge in to him,
I could control it all, meaning my feelings.

The road, created by a frail simple man.
I want to try that out to, leading the way.
Helping him to the direction of my heart.
But the problem is will he stay.

I guess I am stuck being the sun,
Shining bright on his hand as he shakes it waiting for traffic
To go, so he can speed home
I will let him in, because he is my safety blanket.

You were the One

You were the one
Moving so fast it wasn’t me.
You were the one
Who wanted a relationship,
I just agreed.

The last relationship I was “in”,
Failed miserably.
Never was I the type to jump to conclusions
But the duty of observation, counting down to the seconds
Where things out to fall apart, it’s been mastered.

At first your texts were answered and sent out
In no more than two minutes.
Currently I have been waiting an hour for you to reply to a text,
Which simply said the nickname, I created for you.

You were the one
Texting me,
I was the one
Who replied only because it made me smile

It was your idea to fall asleep on the phone, not mine.
I just put my ear to the phone,
Listened to you suck your thumb in my ear,
And I wished I lay near you.
Cradled you to the rhythm of your heavy coarse breathing,
Which as a surprise didn’t matter
But here I was as close as I see myself, surfing a beach without water,
Being a creep beyond her feelings.
Smooth criminal.

Never Ending

Never ending
We are never ending.
We keep playing games
I’m through
Acting like we cool
You think you so smooth
Cuz you get away wit
What you do
I’m so in love with you
But for the last 8 months
You had your own little fool

I’m not trying to stay and be played
So I’m through
Sneaking kisses from you
Acting like I want you back
Like you aren’t hurting me with all your facts

Never ending tears
Running down my face
As I play pretend
Acting like you aren’t engaged to
Some new girlfriend
You’re no better than me
Searching for what will soon walk out on you

Soul Searching

Stupid.
For waiting for someone to pop
Out of the closet telling me
These last few months
Was so much effort to hurt me
But it has yet to happen

Talking.
To the lover who has been a lover, forever.
Silently whispering to me saying he is married, now.
This conversation will end with a long pause
And a lie, I never believe, but refuse to speak of
Which is his pretense excuse for sleep

Annoyed.
Figuring I can’t wait around anymore.
The wicked whelping lurched in wetness leaves me in Zion.
Helplessly, hoping for him to
Come back, and yell something like, “fuck our past”.

Wishing.
Stupid adjective used to define what I really want.
Pre-occupied with what I can’t reach,
I was losing a part of me.

Soul loving.
I rather not lose another part of me.
Loving another who wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Minus the realm of confusion and I miss you too’s.
I will smile surely since I am done soul searching.

Insides

My current balanced diet consists of
Empty threats made by yours truly.
Promises of the frail in consistent mind of
What I need
Realm into the fact of what I want

The past to be my future
Minus the distance
And the insecurities and low self--esteem
But a good bye
Happy yet no gratitude
Happens now.

Icebox

Secluded as if I was imprisoned
To pay for a crime that I committed
I have sense been paying consecutively
Hurting myself mentally
Not cutting my wrists like I use to
I use to smile at the sense of pain
I caused to myself
Never once believing I was playing myself for a fool.
Being in such pain
Thinking I deserved my self inflicted punishment
Telling myself at the end that the cutting of the wrist is worth
The smile you throw at me from time to time

Born with two feet
Not the most beautiful feet
But I love them,
I use these two feet to escape from your
Reach,
Hurting you like I use to,
Just months before

Years ago we made a vow to put up
With each other
Despite the cruelty
We will cause to each other
I do what we promised
For you it is so hard
You have recently began treating me
Like spilled milk
That you really want
I expired months ago
You did too.
Yet we keep each other inside of this ice box

I have decided to treat you as if you and I
Don’t have a pass
Like we met the very next time we meet
Word are born
Kisses forgotten
Smiles erased
Tears cleared away

Sober Thought

Your into deep
Almost married but still in love with me,
Amazing how love comes “undone”
based on a few lies
about what went where and for how long
and you left trying to understand what I believe I meant to you.
When you can't seem to see what you current means
to your future
So you throw out rings
Instead of being a REAL man
Fixing the problem that exists,
Create new ones,
I sit back
First in tears
Trying to make sense of my reality
Then yours,
I cringe out in yells.
No longer allowing you to be able
To ruin my day.

Helplessly I exist,
It’s as if I never left.
You need my presence
Still trying to figure out why,
You do the absurd things you do

You allow me to penetrate you life
with my twisted thoughts
I do it only because I know I can.
I can have you when I want you
and when I have you
I do it well
Satisfying you leaving you wanting more.
But you have to go.

But you are throwing rings at childhood sweet hearts
leaving me as the other when I was the main
not ashamed to say
I cheated
allowed another to do me
when you refused
why are you bad
I dare not ask!

I refuse to wipe a tear from your delicate face
I cringe at your thoughts for me in your life
when you want your cake and to eat it too.
Publishing emotions allowing me to wear it.
Proud yet unsure.
I endure it.
Was here before it all,
Plan on being there when it all falls down.
Will she?


Head low,
Standing in the same place where you promised me
Our love would always be the same.
Head low,
Standing in the same place where you promised me
Our love would never been put in a challenge.

But it is,
Currently dealing with some
Sick bitch who stole you from me
I know if I ruin this for you
Then I am playing myself and
You may cut off of ties with me