Relationships

When it comes to relationships, situations involving love I have learned that I can’t settle. I sort of came to this conclusion when I realized that I am settling for other things in my life. I have settled in the past, settled in love. When I want something and even in when I didn’t. I have since stopped settling. I know understand that in order to complete myself, I need to accept my worth. The acceptance of your worth begins when you accept you have one.

I just happen to be happy, despite the miscalculations of where I saw myself years ago. But I have come quite far, none the less. Being the person that I am today, I don’t like who I was years ago. Well in relationships anyway. I was always setting.

There was Tyshawn, such a mistake. A mistake I regret, not only did he have a baby on me and cheat on me. He lied to me. Everything I asked him not to do, he did.
I moved on with Perry, a no better ass, who didn’t ever mention he had two kids and that he was still with his children’s mother and had a next girlfriend. I don’t myself I suck at choosing.

When those relationships failed, I saw myself unsettled and didn’t think I would get into another relationship because I didn’t trust. But I did. I got into two relationships that changed both my life and my way of thinking. Each person changed my look on relationships and decisions I choose to make.
Though I was suppressed from not understanding I didn’t think I had anything to learn. Or understand but a good friend, Aryanna, said that everyone enters and leaves your life they all serve a purpose. I never second thought it, I believed it.

I quickly, figured out Brandon purpose. Everything he did was just so clear to me. Everything that mattered was so irrelevant when it came to anything but sex with the two of us. We were both good at it. We called each other and tried our best to please each other. We threw time at each other, rarely. I accepted it. I was satisfied with the memory of the last time. It kept me interested. It kept us vital.
The beginning of us was simple. We were friends. No strings attached. We ended having some of the best sex. My decision to have sex was granted because I truly liked him and cared for him. A small part of me, figured it would make us exclusive. I can admit it brought us closer. But that was until he found something new on my campus. Our “relationship” struggled and then ended. I think I summed it well.

From this experience, I learned sex does not make someone stay. Never depend on someone to satisfy your needs. You should first depend on yourself. At first, I felt used. But I got everything I put in. Didn’t expect that sudden ending. My favorite lessons are the following :

a. You are worth something.
b. Settling for less than you think you deserve is the ultimate sin.
c. Don’t be afraid of a promising good-bye.

I should have talked about Angel at first, but I just gained access to restricted information needed to let him go. I began dating Angel in September of 2007. We were epic, so deep in “love” and no one could stop us but us. My tears got too much for us when I accepted his departure in the military. Our relationship was inconsistent between December of 2008 and October of 2009. We argued about the distance but I always stayed because I knew he was who I wanted. It just seemed right.

But now I know.

d. You don’t stay when problems don’t change.

Another problem that was the barrier of bad news was the heartfelt misery of not having him there when I needed him. Or the aftermath me cheating on him with a previous ex, Perry. The pain of breaking up twice and then getting back together. Only to break up with me when a former crush comes along. We had a short meaningful affair while he dated her and hid me on the top shelf.
It stopped when he told me he married her. From this I know.

e. You move on, on your own terms.
f. You can force yourself to endure pain, only because you figure you deserve it.
g. You never see you’re settling, until you notice what you have ended up doing.
h. Tomorrow is a brighter day.

Now I have sensed move on. No sensible, relevant feelings for neither.
Currently I am in a involved with a great boy, who let’s just say. I am taking my time with and he does the same for me. it is great because he has me talking. Most know I rather text, write a poem or letter. So this is great. I am happy .Don’t feel like I am settling. Just haven’t felt like writing out my feelings. Though most poems are about him.