Summer Romance

Perception of the miscalculations that coexist
With his wants and her divine lack of time
Struggling with her words and longing for his lips
Eyes are closed and watered,
As she masks her tears
Listens to her need of his aroma but smokes
His scent into her lungs until she has enough of him
Then she spits him out.
Cries and wants him some more
Helplessly she can’t seem to figure herself out.
What she wants and why she puts up with his speedy visits
And the shallow I-don’t-see-you-for-weeks.
It just can’t be love, it can’t be lust
It is the lack of presence and so much trust that was made up but not love.
Love doesn’t exist, to her.
She thought that is what she was in once,
But then and even the time before that,
She was forcing emotions
Between herself and the other, his name irrelevant, like the summer to her.
Baffled by the triangular relationship she tiptoed into his realm of
Being a bachelor and the ideology of him wanting her.
She loves him enough. There isn’t an emphasis on the word or huge gallant smile
On her sculpted cherry red face when she mentions it,
But it’s how she feels nonetheless.
Low-key and in the sphere of make-believe, she dreams
Of the never ending partnership between the two.
He fornicates and she takes her place,
Settling. Settling for what she feels she deserve.
Even though there are times when he comes around
and her face has had enough of smiling.
Surely there is an reason for her insides warming
and feeling like they’ve never felt before.

She’d love him forever,
Starting with fall.
If he’d promise with his all
He would catch her when she decided to fall
And lift her up when she couldn’t and
Not love her back for goodness sake.
Since goodbyes aren’t something she is good at
She likes to save the feelings and love shit for the sucker who can handle it.
He can’t so she moves on,
On a late summer August night in 2010.
Struggling with her emotions as she thinks if only.
If only I didn’t meet you this summer.
The wind is enough to make a blind man stand tall and not be frightened by the thunder.
Though she swore and he wouldn’t let her get away with suggesting there fling
Would make it past the summer breeze,
Her coyest behavior was enough to make her stay right here.
Waiting.
For him to stop speeding past her heart.
Waiting.
For him to stop settling for the battled nights of her not by his side.
She is waiting, no longer frustrated with where this may never go.
If another season awaits she welcomes but not another month of being
Friends with the lover who is so much more than a lover.
Hugging herself alone under her covers
Saying his name
Him feeding her soul. `