Insides

My current balanced diet consists of
Empty threats made by yours truly.
Promises of the frail in consistent mind of
What I need
Realm into the fact of what I want

The past to be my future
Minus the distance
And the insecurities and low self--esteem
But a good bye
Happy yet no gratitude
Happens now.

Icebox

Secluded as if I was imprisoned
To pay for a crime that I committed
I have sense been paying consecutively
Hurting myself mentally
Not cutting my wrists like I use to
I use to smile at the sense of pain
I caused to myself
Never once believing I was playing myself for a fool.
Being in such pain
Thinking I deserved my self inflicted punishment
Telling myself at the end that the cutting of the wrist is worth
The smile you throw at me from time to time

Born with two feet
Not the most beautiful feet
But I love them,
I use these two feet to escape from your
Reach,
Hurting you like I use to,
Just months before

Years ago we made a vow to put up
With each other
Despite the cruelty
We will cause to each other
I do what we promised
For you it is so hard
You have recently began treating me
Like spilled milk
That you really want
I expired months ago
You did too.
Yet we keep each other inside of this ice box

I have decided to treat you as if you and I
Don’t have a pass
Like we met the very next time we meet
Word are born
Kisses forgotten
Smiles erased
Tears cleared away

Sober Thought

Your into deep
Almost married but still in love with me,
Amazing how love comes “undone”
based on a few lies
about what went where and for how long
and you left trying to understand what I believe I meant to you.
When you can't seem to see what you current means
to your future
So you throw out rings
Instead of being a REAL man
Fixing the problem that exists,
Create new ones,
I sit back
First in tears
Trying to make sense of my reality
Then yours,
I cringe out in yells.
No longer allowing you to be able
To ruin my day.

Helplessly I exist,
It’s as if I never left.
You need my presence
Still trying to figure out why,
You do the absurd things you do

You allow me to penetrate you life
with my twisted thoughts
I do it only because I know I can.
I can have you when I want you
and when I have you
I do it well
Satisfying you leaving you wanting more.
But you have to go.

But you are throwing rings at childhood sweet hearts
leaving me as the other when I was the main
not ashamed to say
I cheated
allowed another to do me
when you refused
why are you bad
I dare not ask!

I refuse to wipe a tear from your delicate face
I cringe at your thoughts for me in your life
when you want your cake and to eat it too.
Publishing emotions allowing me to wear it.
Proud yet unsure.
I endure it.
Was here before it all,
Plan on being there when it all falls down.
Will she?


Head low,
Standing in the same place where you promised me
Our love would always be the same.
Head low,
Standing in the same place where you promised me
Our love would never been put in a challenge.

But it is,
Currently dealing with some
Sick bitch who stole you from me
I know if I ruin this for you
Then I am playing myself and
You may cut off of ties with me

Passer By

This irregaulr smile and
abnormal chin
forms a smile
when you come near
in your presence I feel alive

As if there is a chance.
The heart that was broken,
you can mend.
Your nice eyes I melt in
without you noticing
because you are in my presence.

Never have I felt so much more
here,
on this earth
rotating on this planet.
Yet you walk away and
I simply die.

Perfect Lover

Knock me down.
I don't want to be here.
Breathing the air.
You have become a hollow man.

The perfect lover.
I am your best.
You are my last,
we are satisfied.
We have settled,
if it is for less
neither one of us
have decided.

No Longer

No longer uplifting egos
missing you until the wind
blows.
You had me
I had you to.

I wish I knew why
I let you inside my world.
Not sure if it was your smile
or my loneliness for company.

No longer needing comfort
missing you until the sun
comes up
closing my eyes only because
they choose too
and not me.

I wish I knew why
I let you inside of my world.
Not sure if it was your swag
or my trusting you with me.

No longer swearing this guy
or that guy is the one
leaving me hurt
and silently answering
my own question.

Ex-Boyfriend

Stop calling me
texting me
sending me your pics
I no longer quench for your existence.
Everything you do,
is for a reason :

Stapled eyeelids shut
to hide the truth from her
You are so unjust,
we ended ages and
you still talk to me
as if you are going to
change your mind
and I am weak
and so deep in love
willing to take you back.

I gave up on us
yes, the thought of you next to me
makes me cream my underwear and
your voice
is the reason I sleep under covers.
But I can't settle for being another
when there was just one

Me.
Marry me.
Leave me be.

Crush

I named him my love only because I was sure
That is what he was
But he was an insane lover
Distant and hid beneath a silk cloth
He always played basketball and then sprained his ankle.
A cycle he was fond of but never avoided.
Balanced me with any and everything he was able to
I fell for him,
Softly at first but then I fell to deep.

Most people called me a fool
I always smiled when I saw him,
And frowned when he wasn’t around
His smile was always enough
It was like my high
Kept me calm and allowed me to bare the
arms of another soon to be forgotten concubine.

The Do Not Enter sign,
Is brighter than usual.
Yet I enter,
No longer afraid of what may never be.
A crush was meant to crush.
I knew he wouldn’t act on it.
Who decides to set themselves up for failure?
Burned by have-nots and
What doesn’t and will never matter.

As soon as I lived a secret,
That has been buried for a semester long
I no longer feel the need to get high
I find myself close to it all.
Forced to view a never ending
Fact that I made the mistake of
Using the fingers I were born with
to tell the secret that I never wanted to escape my lips.

I shall see you from now on
And no longer look down
But up because I was brave enough to
Stand above my fright and
Tell someone what they meant to me.

Ego

Someone told my ex he was heartless,
Fuck the bitch who did,
because he believed her
and became that way.
What more can I say ?
Well I could say:

You use to mean everything to me.
Foolish of me not to see
How easy you can walk out
and attempt a go at someone else
Acting like I don't exist.

I get it,
you currently make sense
Mood on 100 degrees.
Standing up and out of your way
You be what ever you
consider to be a man
I have walked away

The ego you possess
is longer then your dick and
wider then your balls.
No longer can I grasp it.
Decided why should I as me
suffer with your lame inadequate
mood swings,
no longer giving you whatever
it is that you want from me.

I can't pay your ego.
Any longer with my lips.
People see why after the store
has been open for business.

Inhale

An ourcast with a lit blunt
blowing closely near her eyes.
Blindsided by the things she can't see
so she breathes.

Gave up sex,
picked up the habit
of inhaling some some drug
that will shed some years off of me.
Allow me to feel older
then my kin.

I inhale still.
Since I am not getting one
I settle for the older.
The way sex makes me feel
I concur the boosting of my ego
is not what it is does.
It balances out my hyper mood
makes me feel mellow.

Attempting to allow me to consider
your high
I come undone
Not ready though I to
need to give this part of my life up.
Don't want to need it like I use to need sex.

So I smoke for the last time
Breathing it in well.