Silent Existence

I scribble you out
Out of my life
Certain that i'd
rather be
crying alone
then you,
right beside me.

Crumbled up
photographs.
I've yet to forget
the memories
I find myself
right back
where ever
we both
settled out feet

Digging up,
your values,
basically trying to account for
how much I mean
to you
Nothing if you
throw away
what we had for something new

Searching for
any type of conclusion
Ushered in & and out
Oedipus results
Loveless spell
Am I relevantly
not in your life
Your subliminal

I scribble you out
out of my life
Certain that you'd
find me, somewhere else.
It's not like
you aren't looking.

Streets are like,
pages read by me.
I read it,
I recite it,
and then I know it.
I remember the
pages we walked.
Our fingers
accepting paper
cuts.

Climbing up,
pot of tea,
basically
valuing me.
Nothing if you
fuck the world
and impregnated
the thoughts
oh how we will
never be again

Hiding within
my reflection
since she
wished to
be my mascot.
The old one
was lost.

I scribble you out
Out of my life
Uncertain of
what to do
about you.
Us friends.
I can't fathom
your silent breath on my back
Is no longer enough.

Should I

I should be so shallow
But I decided to forfeit and be one of a kind.
Hiding behind a shallow wall with turbulence
Seeping afraid to fly
Those that say this are the same who have attempted
Acid pissed and shit.

Jealous of her love,
which doesn’t even mean shit.
I decided that I am going to live me for me.
As soon as I could say those words.
Independent from the world.
Soley on the top of a cloud,
Burping out loud.

Epic fail.
Your attempt to make me jump.
I ran over the bridge then I,
Walk on the water.
Bold like I am speaking of another lie.
Trying to love someone in this life,
Good try.

Act like you cared.
That her shallow mind is gone, escaping from her swollen lungs
Needed of some sort of help.

I should be called naïve,
After the way you spit what it is
That you call game.
Imagine the cold hearted assailant.
You are a character.
Something I would lie about.

Often lied to yourself
Which in turns meant you lying to me.
Dealing with your memories as I lay naked and
You stood there to.
Our love making is bittersweet.
Such passion erupts but then of course you have to leave.
I am your frenzy, the greatness
My wetness, oh the tightness
I thought you were all I need to be complete.

I should be so brave
And tell you.
Tell you who you are.
What you mean to me.
But I am Watergate,
You are my secret.
Some claim the rumor
You are smart to ignore it.
Caressed with a blanket.
As if I rocked you gently.

Ruined by the mere speaking
Or conversing, I can’t. Allow it.
You sanctioned me into a
Never ending journey of have not’s
I am lucky I escaped into
Make believe.

R.I.P

Everyone said as well as continue to say.
That I am too good for you.
I never once imagined the friends
who I called friends were
dealing with your mediocre
ass.

I came onto this planet with
a bare vagina
two eyes
two legs
and of course two thighs

I want to leave with the same parts
with lessons learned
not anyone who
would lie to me
in the same attempt to
win me over.

Tweeted by ME

Leave the price tag on her.
She won't fit.
Return her, even though you
wore her heart
and left her beautifully
wrapped up for someone else.

Settling for Less

I don't get any credit for anything that I attempt to do or go after.
So I don't mention the things I care for and the people they, (we) are seen in pictures.
The beauty of it all is that I loved someone.
I got to.
I don't think I have it in me to love again.

Experiencing it once was an immaculate adjustment to my life.
His purpose I understand.

He bloomed into my life as soon as the inner pain suddenly erupted.
I expected to much from him.
Since he was the only one who made me feel epic as well as beautiful.
The old me was irrelevant unworthy of love by anyone. My mother made me feel like I wasn't worth it.
So I didn't understand his presence. His relevance to my life.

I couldn't understand why he stayed. Why he didn't leave my life.
I see myself now before as his burden.
So dependent on him making me smile.
I co-existed him with love.
That was before that was years ago.
The year were I felt too skinny to be viewed.
The year were I hid behind the wall of you.

Years ago I loved him because he seemed so perfect.
That was the first time I said I love you.
He repeatedly insisted that he had love for me.

He left. I could care less.
I lie but so what. Who cares about someone who called you a crybaby,
Who added to your sorrow.
You are reading her words.
Real though subtle and harsh.

As soon as I found myself beautiful and loved myself.
This is when I was ready to experience him.

I see him as an experience.
His purpose still feels unclear.

I had to let him go.
I loved him, he knew it.
He knew I loved him hard.
I can't understand our ending.
But here goes, I do not want a relationship or friendship with the guy
who broke my heart. He did this intentionally.
To beat someone in the head knowing they won't make it is rude and evil.
No one deserves the pain he threw at me.
No one not even you.
Never settle for the guy who treats you right half of the time.
The other half he is busy chasing some dream and not grasping what you mean to him.
Never settle for what you may never understand.

Lust vs. Love

Tail lighted love
I fight my lust with my wants
Simply put I am trying to be happy.

I leave this life of never ending
pain, I am use to wanting something
mentioning it to then it appearing

But with crushing over someone
you don't go into the limelight and mention it.
You simply rotate yourself in there life,
but first deciding if they are a rotation or
something great for you.

Your high should blind me.
Make me less attracted to you.
The fact you hallucinate more often than two
pot heads climbed on top pf two fucking unto
there high fades and
they have no choice but to lay there relaying a message
being unsure of a latter high.

Love is this long term goal.
Tired of having those days when
I can careless about the things
that matter and the times that won't after
the first kiss.
Kiss leads to sex and
they provenly collide.

Leaving me in a bottomless pit
breathing for nothing but
fragile harsh air.
I want nothing but your never ending mind game.
I rather not put too much into something
that doesn't mean anything not even a nut.

Rotation

Learned this new word
it is basically called rotation.

I know now that is all I was.
Something that mattered only because
you could have me.

Kudos to the guys who fuck the pretty girls
only because they know there heart
will forever be willing to
let you return.

I was put in a rotation unknowing.
Settled for the guy I liked
since the guy I loved wasn't around enough.
Feel in this never ending,
I want you
with someone who wanted no more then the moment
I was there.
Then he no doubtfully disappeared.

Played

This is currently. A angry post.
Free styled like always.

Sorry I wouldn't drop on my knees
and have problems I can't deal with.
Sorry I have mood swings and I
ask for the simplest shit,
like time.
Sorry for caring, hoping better yet,
wishing.

Never have I felt more used,
left out of some sort of loop.
I sense it you.
Reading my words
Asshole.
I can care less.
I use to.
I use to want you.

Now I know
I was asking for too much
Never giving you enough,
a "friend" said if I
got on my knees
we may still be.

I see myself not settling.
Wondering what was my lesson.
I feel hurt but am known as strong
so that is what I decipher to be.

Understanding that what we may assume
as "Love" is a blanket for mishaps.
Understanding that in order to grow
you must let go
of what will never be.

Your purpose unknown to the
frailest mind.
Yet proclaimed to the kindest.
Maybe you were here to show me
the way a guy uses a girl
until the find something new
Someone you have to give a chance
because you want to see if they are
willing.

The philosophy of a man,
a girl like me will never understand.
I don't believe in the unwritten law
of a friend who you fuck
just because
you want something tight.
You fucked her before and you know
her sex game, right. Right ?

Of course I am.
Only because I said so.
Don't make me your backbone.
Shit, I may simply be the reason
you can't walk.
Before this happens
maybe you will learn to speak.

I shallowly minded.
Think that a young mind is a
dumb one.

I assume you don't believe in karma,
settle for the next low life bastard,
why don't I ?

I hate to think that a boy like you
would play a girl like me.

Check it:

Never wanted a title.
Didn't realize we needed one.

The pressure meant so much to me.
I know see.
I let it go.
Knowing you hurt.
I should have let when I had the chance.
I hurt it's bittersweet,
I thought you were romantic.
You were suppose to be the one
who completed me.

Withdrawing

I do it,
I am not convincing.
I rather do this then
lose another part of me

Afraid of getting hurt.
Used because they look
at me and have the cogitation that I am
great in bed.

Your wrong,
I am amazing.
I hold some sort of crown
for the romantic indulges that appear
when I attempt to make love.

This has faded.
Whether you are convinced or not.
Throw rings at my feet and
walk away:

Thinking.
Does it matter to you
what I choose to do with my body.
MY name rings bells,
only because I am feared.
Opinions are structured offbeat
breathing I decided

I won't give in to temptation.
Living off of my memories and
what I mean to me.
A naked body maybe able to knock
my socks off.
But this battle I am in I will win.

Chain on.
Bowed.
I win in the end.
You can wait until I deem you worthy
or leave because there is so much easy pussy.
Simply put.

God bless those who can't change
what they can't understand.

Wake UP

He breaks hearts.
I whisper as I walk away.
No longer looking back.
I am in the stage of
erasing his
beautiful face.

I never wanted to do you
Sense it is so much the time
I put into doing me
I just wanted to witness
your beauty from a distance.

We laid eyes on each other
I swear we made love
The journey of a ending splurge.
I was your best,
softest gaze
warmest love that as you are reading
this you wish you could replace.

I think about it.
Chasing again.
Playing tag with myself
leaving in a never ending pretend.

I rather not
once one lays out all
ones falls
they are left with no choice but to
WAKE UP!

Scavenger Hunt

I make this long ass list
often kidding myself.
Never once caring
because I am feeling myself :

I say he got to be at least 6'1
fitted jeans
and working on his college degree.
That is minimal if you ask me.

Ever really loved someone
gave them your all
simply to be crawled crying on the floor
In ball, feeling like you settled for less.

I vowed to only date a boy
who doesn't think bad of his father
as a sperm cell
an ass.

A premature thought will arise often
I tweet subliminally only because I
sense my scavenger hunt will end
I won't smile as much as I do
when I see you

I prefer denim black jeans then
low top shorts that show off
to much bottom.

So I decided to find
someone to balance out my lows
as I inhale the green you let blow slow

I decided to dance in the rain
with the next only if he pardons me
and has a stubborn swagg of being unafraid.

I decided to blink instead of
turning away every time I see you,
no longer afraid of what you want me to do.

I decided to find out
more than what he looks for:

your favorite color
your favorite food
the things that make you smile
I want to notice your flaws.

Will be added to.

"Lovers" " Gamed"

Emotions are the sin to love.
I could have fallen in love
You were different
I swear:

You built this barrior
after the first kiss
You could care less after you hit it
I didn't see it
even though,
you made it so obvious.

I wish I could
be humble about it
Humbly,
looking at the reality
that we as friends
that journey has come to an end.
But I say:

Call you answer.
I grin at your presence,
then I go and deal with rememories.
Then I get angry
when you leave.

I feel as if I am crushing over
dealing with
something, someone
I once possessed.
But then I checked out of the game
of a never ending pretend.

Sadly enough I checked right back in.
I miss you sometimes,
as thought I know.
I want nothing to do with you.
I lost so much respect for you.
Simply put.

Good-Bye Part 2

Who want to be
known as weak
Can't wear skirts
because the blood soaks
from her bloody knees.

She has nothing left to do
but pee,
throw up or shit him out.
She can't really think
He has become her infatuated love.

Him having a
shaft and two nuts
he couldn't seem to give a fuck

A good-bye surfaced her lips
here and there.
Every time he doubted her,
laughed at her
never believed her.
So she did not believe her.
Every other goodbye
I swear she cried
The last one she felt
light as if she was high
off life.

Good-Bye Part 1

Higher than the street light
but i haven't reached a single cloud
The heartbroken girl you heard about; was found.
Glowing, radiant.
The culprit forgotten.

Placed in a section
of her realm
called memories
The reason unknown
to the naked eye

Dreams

Blown up
Way out of proportion
like an over-sized college student
No subliminal intended.
I refer to the life size guitar
you indulge in :

The chronicles of a man woman
You think to much
If you play a little longer
bruise your right index finger
and your lenit thumb
you will have one

You can never knock
someone's dream
That isn't my intention
with all this here
Everything the girl you loved
wished for
The arrogance of her heart
made you settle for the next:

Skinny chick
brown eyes
Firm rear
toned thighs
size 2 or maybe 3
pretty handed
loser looking chick
Minus the crooked finger
and tracks.

Blown up
Way out of proportion
Something simple
you turned into so complex.
You swing your head
The icing of the cake
licked off
everything she comes around

You were his dream
He was unsure
So he settled
for an blown up
Guitar.

Relapsed

Cry out
you only
relapsed
Pulled him in
only because you were
deprived
inadequate
and without

Manhandled
I lied I crushed
I hurt
He forgives
Revenge
I feel played
I stayed

Calm and sure
He was the man from before
he wasn't.

No he didn't change
I cried before
I cry now
Only to find
I must go
I walk a mile or 2
turn the corner
get lost
go back to square one
Relapsed.

Window Seat

Imagine her
Everyone thinks if she was shorter.
Longer hair
Smaller nose
Better clothes
She would fit in

Scattered tissues
A wet pillow
As she closes her eyes.

Imagine her
Knife on neck
Sides, smoothly
and then into
She bleeds
It shows
She smiles
She is fed
Left dead.

Dead

Feet shaking
Adolescent of modern time
Keep wanting
just don't fall as you search (for it)
Broken mirrors
You're exiting your gated door
Minus the mask
Rubbered down dicks
You can't blow out
Stepping out into the real world.

Midnight Run

I just
put my cherished possessions
in the square white box.
It said, "Donate Here".
I put everything
I ever loved there
including my irrelevant tears.

Slammed my face; purposely
into the wall.

Sin

I am your sin
Unafraid you inhale me.
Once
your hooked
Like a drug

I am your sin.
I shake you
into reality
I know you don't want
to be there

I am your sin
You enter me
I can't even feel you there.

I am your sin
you risk it all
every time I travel to you

I am your sin
you are my heart
Unsuccessful
We part
but a sin is a sin

Unbuttoned shirt
Then jeans
your goal is to
enter me
I allow it
Why would I not
I am your sin.

I force our lips to whisper
Silently, you reply
Slow deep
as if its suppose to last
I am your sin.

Angry now
I flee
I run away
I come back new
Naked.
I am your sin

I throw you down
I am faded
I do what you say
As the tears are forced back
I am your sin

Your done
I'm not
But I know how this must end
I climb off of you
Slowly
I am your sin.

Thought

Stop it the world don't
revolve around you.
I don't even like you like that.
The old thing I don't
I don't want it back.

We had each other.
It was that.

Letter to MYSELF

Not like you are serious with anyone. Or talking to someone. But know you can't. You will devote this whole month to you. Next week marks two months for you. Hold it proud. Next week take yourself out. No cell phone.
Twitter is your one choice.

In this time. You will spend about 20 hours in the library a week. STUDY.
Stop focusing on your history, you know it. You don't have to live in it.

Thinking of the guy(s)who has hurt you in the past year. Don't call them, text them, tweet in reference to them.

If you can do this, you will be fine for a lifetime.
Then maybe the liking of someone will be more than a liking of someone.


Day 1. Yesterday.

Lies

Waves hand in a motion
to hide face
there are lies
thrown like strikes.
Blinks twice.
Yet I stay.

The bleeding of my ovaries,
control me.
Another lie inserted.

Metaphors

I like to think of you as
my personal metaphor.
Nothing matters,
I created you.
The G I am.
I smile but feel like
I may sink, metaphors are
weak
as of now.

I wouldn't like to draw a conclusion.
But I may have too.
You were an obstacle,
created by the desires
I wish we shared.

I never loved you.
The thought of an tomorrow
burns my lungs, now.
I never loved us.
The thought of us
never allowed me to be sober.

Kiss

A kiss would heal this
make the way my heart feel
better.

A kiss would heal this
a shared whisper to another
memory.

A kiss would heal this
make everything seem so more
real.

A kiss would heal this
loving you, I swear it wouldn't
coexist.

A kiss would heal this
my memories will no longer be
here.

A kiss would heal this
loving you, I wish I was
through.

Stay

If she stays knowing the truth,
then she deserves you.
Images of a man
who has fallen
down.

If she stays knowing the truth,
then she deserves you.
I won't leave.
I am here to stay

Here goes:

Hidden behind a one way glass
peeking through into your world.
I exist.
I am here to stay.

I had him first.
The myth of a goodbye
has the focus of you.
Suddenly, beaming.
I am here at the end.

Beauty of true love.
The reality of him and I.
I can have him,
when I want him.

The best I was.
Surely I still I am.
I run around,
crown own.

Just had to say
what I had to say,
You be the stupid bitch
and stay.
Knowing what you now.