Sleepless Morning

Wearing these purple thongs,
Back to the fan
On this autumn morning haven’t slept yet
And I’m frightful of the morning after
Still you’ll be gone and I’ll have the wind to guide my
Backside opening the tingled draft on my ass and my back
Will rock me to sleep
But even still I wish it was you.

I still remember last summer
When I had enough of smiling because
It hurt so much, my jaw had had enough.
But I wish we could offer each other time
Baby, I’m sorry.
Maybe, next life time.

The Word Love

I hate how people who throw the word love when they don’t what else to say. It’s getting extremely out of hand. I admit I have said I love you before but it was after the person said it first. I am more of a I love you too type. It’s so much easier for me not to deal with saying exactly how I feel no matter how I feel.

A year ago, I put up with irrelevant shit only because I thought that was the way to go. Thought that was the way to be a part of someone’s life. I was so far past wrong. And sort of glad it happened that way. Since I learned so much for it, you guys need to understand.

You know how your father is so protective of his daughter, thinking no one is good enough for her. Your goal is this. Have the same respect for yourself.

The way sex is know a days. It should be as rare of a habit as you checking your emotions. If sex doesn’t have a meaning to you, then you out to check your hormones, immediately! I state this because of how many ‘accidents’ happens. The reality that you have sex with someone who is no more than a moment, and you want them gone in the morning.

I should be more specific though, I am not knocking relationships or one night stands. To each their own! But don’t get into a relationship with the whole purpose of a crevice that you can’t get enough of. If you just want to have sex with the person says that.

Don’t lie for ass.

That shit really upsets me. No one likes to be stringed along.

Infamous

The infamous
He’s never committed such a crime
Embarks his mother’s lip
As the news of her son’s actions aren’t phoned home.

She believes him
Despite the hundred time
Previous, he has whispered
Lies in the ear for all to hear him.

The girl he had chosen
To leave for the dead
Sat nuisance in her hospital bed
From the procedures
That were granted to
Ensure she would live

No one but her
Is affected by the night before
A few months later he will move on
and the only one who will know
are the two who were there,
is diligent being and unseen soul.
Suffering because he longed for so much more
Then I begged for.

It Was all Because

He asked and she obliged
She did what he uncle asked and his patterned negotiations with
His need for fellatio from a child that could barely tie her shoes
And she didn’t like it but she did what she was told
Because she was just a child and she didn’t know any better,


Past the bay and down the shore she pretended to go,
As she was protecting his offspring her sisters as he bathed her repeatedly.
And she let him only
Because she was just a child and she wanted to survive.


Her eyes are always open fearing his shadow
Angry with her decision to allow him to breathe.
She has decided no court no man can decide his punishment,
But dear god will determine his fate.
And this was all
Because he raped her,

Yesterday

I know that my actions yesterday were reckless, yesterday. I wished I cared. I swear I do. But I don’t in this situation. I never want to be labeled as a victim but if the shoe fits I am going wear it. That’s my only response. For the sake of closure, I am going to say this.

Hurt people, hurt people.

Last year around this time I was depressed. Going shopping and all types of crazy shit to make myself feel better. Since I knew for those moments I wasn’t locked in my room I would be pondering my phone wishing it was to ring and for someone to say it was a joke.

My take on love is the following.
You never stop loving. But there comes a point when you can’t forget how much harm someone has caused you. And you move on.

So yes, I knew from the end of our relationship that I was reckless. Wishing for something that I was so much better than. A few friends told me that didn’t matter. I had to learn on my own and I did.

So I never settle, for anything.
And yes I am currently talking to someone. And yes I love this said person but I’d rather leave as soon as I feel like I am

a. Putting more time in then they are.
b. Feel like I’m settling.

In relationships you leave with nothing. But the respect you have for yourself.

Love Songs

If you love love songs, this here post is for you

Here are my favorite love songs. I can’t get enough of them.
Major download!

1. Stay – Miley Cyrus
2. Time- Ne-Yo
3. Can’t be Friends- Trey Songz
4. I have Nothing- Whitney Houston
5. Almost- Tamia
6. Like Me Real Hard – Mario
7. Yesterday- Leona Lewis
8. No Tears on My Pillow- Mya
9. Russian Roulette- Rihanna
10. Have you Ever- Brandy
11. Invisible- Taylor Swift
12. Silent Tears- Jasmine Sullivan
13. Last First Kiss- Tamia
14. Glitter in the Air- Pink
15. Heartbreaker-Pink
16. Crystal Ball- Pink
17. That Girl- Marques Houston
18. Another Again-John Legend
19. Bottom of the Ocean- Miley Cyrus
20. Another Last Chance- Sammie

Yes these songs were played like crazy this week. 
See you next week with more of my favorite love songs.

With Love

As far as the past goes you move on. You take as many steps as your feet permit and you move on .Don’t hold on things you can care for from a long ass distance. I don’t think about any guy I have dated in my past. You know why, because they’re not in my life now. And this all for a reason, whether yours or mine. A reason, a relationship with nothing gained is time wasted in someone who just allowed time to waste as well as emotions.

And that’s all folks.

The Evil

Evil glares from her rapist.
Sends her off beat heart into a panic
Losing her balance
As she pardons herself
With a stare that could fool
His ill tempered thrusting
To his own beat
Inside of her.
Controlling what she feels
And the obvious right,
She hears his slow steps
Longs for his death
As he parties with the living.

Repeating glances from his ‘friends’
Who are his friends and view me as a
Meaningless drunk; college girl
Who isn’t able to remember
The night before
Oh how I do;
I remember it all and what lead to it.

The parentless friend
Who slid under my wing
Who wanted me
Even though we swore
It’d never be.
You longed for what I tasted like,
So I obliged,
Pondering on the time you finished.
Heartlessly king you out to
Shower, and good riddance with your soul,
And the previous duty I acquired to please.
So help me the same night
I did not sleep, studying for a final.
You off to an appointment.
Fast forward,
You making me
Swear we’d be friends forever

Your girlfriend
Called and I went next door,
Took shots of devil springs
Took off my shirt
Because I figured me being shirtless
Would stop the burning of my lungs.

I want to sleep,
I swore I deserved it.
I came to my room,
Closed the door,
And your carried me
To the bed,
A silence, a pardon,
Then a knock from the bathroom door,
I went and not a human appeared.
You carried me to the bed,
I said, “thanks”.
“Lay with me, I’m tired”
I rolled over.
I woke up to pain endured
In my vagina and a sorry excuse for a note.

I got to commend you
For saying you downed
Rest of the bottle
I cradled and hallucinated w
With the following bottle for the whole semester.
As it was half empty and
Your excuse
Paraded,
My Christmas gift from you was superior.
Afterward straight out lethal.
An account of what happened,
As if your truth
Stood past the facts, the reality
And what I’d never forget.

You’ll never
Have a piece of me.
You lack the sastification
Of ruining me.
Good riddance to your evil soul
And all the people that befriend you \despite the
Inevitable fact that my lack of conscience
Meant nothing as you
Had your way with me.

Hey Missy!

I like to consider myself very mature especially for my age. But sometimes I get upset and spray a few words to cause harm to those who attempt to slander my name. Though I haven’t been put on trial for anything I always feel like I always have to prove something. To the people who don’t mean anything to me.

Last night, I came privy to information on Facebook dedicated to me. With a little investigation I saw my ex-boyfriend’s wife mentioning me, subliminally. And on that note she said a few insults because I mentioned on Twitter she has my leftovers. Did I lie, no? But I do admit that I find it quite a bit funny that she took it to Facebook and called me and I quote a stupid face follower. Despite the reality that I don’t favor her existence I haven’t called her out of her name until now.

I’m an open minded person who lacks tolerance for people’s lack of knowledge and ignorance towards others. It puzzled me, so you know I went to twitter. I had to get a few things out. Not only do I know Angel better than most people but I am privy to a lot of things about his relationship to his wife. His affair with his shipmate Jennifer, the reality he gets a raise when the marriage is official, the reality that he’d settle for anything to be complete, the nuisance that I have naked pictures of him after they were engaged. You know the pictures with him shirtless, his bed in the background. The reality that I am the one to pick him up from the airport Valentine’s Day weekend and he was in my room with his circumcised penis and my favorite the ultimate beauty of it all, the face of his wife when she saw the shit that would make her face turn stupid.

My face so stupid I am doing me and not depending on anyone for my happiness. I don’t need any self recognition and I am pretty sure your “husband” told you that I don’t give a fuck about anyone’s opinion. The fact that you called me an internet gangster, I would have had to have threatened you. But once and if you read this you are going to say, “Fuck this bitch she jealous. I got Angel.” When all reality. Like I said before you have my leftovers. I will always love Angel like I am pretty sure he will always love me but you move on. And I have. In relationships you learn all you can and then you move on.

This may be too much for you to read. You know with Angel’s GED education and I don’t know if you graduated from high school you don’t look like you did.

And do note, I still haven’t threatened you. Just stated facts that Angel won’t tell you because of that night when you guys were watching, Why did I Get Married Two, when he asked you not to cheat on him when we had already cheated on you with me, but it’s cool you didn’t now. But I don’t think he’ll you know fuck anyone else. He said your sex game was good. Mean head game he mentioned. But I bet I was better. I am like an indulgence he knows is no good for him but he can’t get enough of.

Don’t be afraid to get a dictionary when looking up words from this here statement. And don’t worry I wrote this in like what *Checks phone* twelve minutes. It was fun but I am not done. You have to know certain battles you can’t win. And as for him saying can I please unblock him from my pictures on Facebook. Tell him he can look at your ugly face in person until he decides what to do about Jennifer.

You’re everything I am not. I own up to reality. You know. Stop oppressing yourself. Stay with him after you read all this and your fooling yourself. Remember when I warned you on MySpace, but I guess you looked past the IM’s. You just called him when he was on the phone with me. You can also tell Angel I am not mad at him for breaking our pact, with the marriage thing. But when money calls, you got to do what you got to do.

And as far as jumping me, I pity the fools who speak of it.

Wow

So someone just said to me, I know what type of girl you are. I figure where this is going. He is going to riff raff about me thinking I am better than everyone else. But he doesn't, instead he says," You have a blog right" and of course I said yes. Come on, your reading it now. He then says I am outspoken so never mind. Meaning he doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

Who wins in this story, you or I ?

It's true I am very outspoken. What person isn't, the ones that are are the ones you don't fuck around with.

Sleep Beauty

I want you out of my head.
The tears are flowing now.
I am silent when it comes to this hidden emotion.
Stubborn each day
I stay around
Wishing for some time in your soft arms and
Meeting your sure lips with mine which are sure as unstable

I’m currently well adjusted to the life I choose to live.
My fingers on my damp pillow,
My arms hanging on the outskirts of the front of my bed.
Longing for your warmth.
Needed it as much as my sanity.
Holding on to the thought,
Dreaming, sacredly.
Forced with the burden of promising forever even though,
He bleeds with the hunger of knowing she loves him
Though she hasn’t admitted it,
Surely he feels it.

My arms lifeless,
My eyes still and my heart beating normally.
His presence and his kiss wakes me for the moment he
Acts like my existence matters.

My Ex and I

Passionate friends
Inadequate lovers
Resulted in a must needed
Good-bye

I guess you found someone who loved you more than I did
Even when a few weeks before you said you wished for it.
I guess your fate granted you your wish.
Because you took a go at what you said you would never do.
Rings, City Hall and adultery

Dreamer

She doesn’t have to stand and wait by the phone, but she does.
Helplessly she is proving to herself, she is settling.
Never mind the idea she feels forgotten,
But she settles for his arrival when he comes around.
Wishing he’d change back to who she fell in love with.

Shaking her head she collapses,
And accepts every fire dies.
Lying on the floor a shadow appears and lifts her close
To his damp heart longing for her,
Even though he hasn’t said a word.

She feels his love and loves him back.
Stupid in love,
And it’s ironic she cares for him
Like she knew him her whole life,
It’s a shame she died in his arms on this frightful night.

She was dreaming, it didn’t really happen.
The feelings she felt and the tears
Were the only thing that were real.

Noting that his eyes are so perplexed
With her yearning for his thrill.
She doesn’t know why he makes her happy,
She just knows that he does.
Helping her ego, she disses him in hope she can stop loving him.
Lacking her knowledge of the risk she is taking.

She has never had her heart broken,
But she should count on it.

Life of a Villain

The life of the villain,
On a killing spree,
Birthing.
Without a cause in the world,
Life is so unjust.

There death, forgotten
Bigger problems
Him himself, attacking the children
And woman he made a vow to protect.

My the type her oldest daughter reaches
The age of fifteen, she is baffled with the fight of
A stalker.
He promises her he loves her.
He doesn’t know he made her and
Neither does she.

He rapes her the same day he decides
He has to have her.
In the very place this villain,
Created her and killed her mother as the child,
His child barely lay with her heart fragilely beating.

Ironically she became pregnant,
Baby was born and labeled a retard.
The life of a villain and he is evil choices and
The life his children have to live.

Song of the Week---- I Refuse

First and foremost, I want to say R.I.P to Aaliyah Dana Houghton. I refuse is an epic song with an woman who walks away from an relationship because she isn’t happy. She sings so beautiful all the things she refuses to do.

- I refuse to have one more sleepless night.
- I feel like I would die if I broke down and cried.
- I refuse to ignore the fact I feel to the floor the day you walked out the door.
- I refuse to take it anymore.

It’s an empowering song, implanting her choice to no longer settle.
Major Download.

Answered

1. Why do we bother with love when it doesn’t last?

Love is a temptation, sparked by the light sky and hollow as a cloudy night. It is something that gives young and old woman hope. Despite its baffled, circumstance and the burden your heart must deal with. I’ve been in love once, and then maybe I am in it now. One thing I learned is that love is not a choice, it just happens. You can control your emotions and your feelings. But loving someone you can never control it.

Love may not last but while it does it is the best feeling to basketball. It’s an amazing sure feeling that gives so many hope for the experience. Hope that they are worth it and so much more.

2. Can you fall in love with someone based on a kiss?

I rarely kiss the people I date. I turn my cheek, raise my neck or flat out let them no; they won’t be kissing my soft lips. It’s something I have believed and lived by for most of my life.

It’s only because I love easily, the sweet passion with a kiss. Makes me fall and I swear I fall in love off a kiss. So I don’t.

3. What is in a hello when before the night is over you are going to say goodnight?

The hardest thing for me to say is goodbye, only when I love or care about someone. I guess saying goodbye in a night span is significant because you will meet again. But what if you don’t and it is worth finding out.

4. Did I just write a song about this boy?

Yes, I did. I wrote this song about the boy I talk to. It’s called. Love song. I can’t say anymore about it.

5. Do you wait around for what you want and sort of have?

I don’t have patience; I don’t like lines and hate waiting rooms. In fact, I loathe them both. When it comes to shopping and things of this nature, I buy a medium because of my boobs and pants are a wrapped around my neck. When I decide to wear the clothes, this is the first time I try them on. If they don’t fit, I give it away or get someone to return it for me. After writing this and what not, I see this as a problem. With my personal life, love life and social life.

If a movie is good, really good I want it to end. I need to see the happy ending. After all I have been through watching it, I deserve that much. This too shows how my life is array and how I lack patience.

The process behind the society we live in makes my stomach weak. Everyone wants the gift of love but we don’t grasp it. I admit I rush into things. That’s why a few months ago, I had one last cry. The cry that next time I would get it right. I am in my next time. And you know what.

I am currently waiting around. It’s so damn weird, waiting around for what I sort of grasping. Me waiting for him and lacking patience is going to be the end of us. I am still trying to decide what made me decide to wait. I think it’s because he said I couldn’t.

So my answer is this, you wait until you can’t anymore. You need validation, not exposure to idea of moving on.

A(n) US

There can be an ‘us’,
Only if he wants it,
The way I see it.
I am the only one,
No need to question him
In regards to what I already know.

I’d leave him,
But I’d rather play pretend
With myself and the love I wish to have.
Faking my feelings and hiding the truth.

There can be an ‘I’
Only if I’d realize all I needed was me.
The way I see it.
He is the only one,
No need to question me
In regards to the love I need.

Chris Brown Us Ladies

One of my favorite R&B singers, Chris Brown tweeted what do woman what to hear to feel more appreciated. I thought about it overnight and find myself liking only half of popular singers LP’s because they tend to have lots of single like songs. Dance and not enough love songs. I just love, love songs.

I personally want to hear more songs that distinguish a singer from the rest and Chris Brown does that. His own sound and even writes them.

So I came up with a list of what I think woman want to hear songs about.
- “Love”, what does love mean to you?
- Relationships that failed, why.
- Your take on love.
- Love that has to end because it only goes wrong
- In a guy point of view what a broken heart feels like.
- The beginning of love.
- Why love sometimes fail.
- The ideology of not accepting love.
- Goodbyes- Not like the Say Goodbye but a goodbye that has to end because
- Realizing you loved something that didn’t even exist



Random, but did you ever think about doing an album, that started off defining the beauty of why you love woman, and ending with a song why you can’t be with the current woman you love.

These are a few thoughts about what I want to hear songs about.
I hope you like them and make a song for at least one.

Ms. Dependent

She doesn’t have to stand and wait by the phone, but she does.
Helplessly she is proving to herself, she is settling.
Never mind the idea she feels forgotten,
But she settles for his arrival when he comes around.
Wishing he’d change back to who she fell in love with.

Shaking her head she collapses,
And accepts every fire dies.
Lying on the floor a shadow appears and lifts her close
To his damp heart longing for her,
Even though he hasn’t said a word.

She feels his love and loves him back.
Stupid in love,
And it’s ironic she cares for him
Like she knew him her whole life,
It’s a shame she died in his arms on this frightful night.

She was dreaming, it didn’t really happen.
The feelings she felt and the tears
Were the only thing that were real.

Noting that his eyes are so perplexed
With her yearning for his thrill.
She doesn’t know why he makes her happy,
She just knows that he does.
Helping her ego, she disses him in hope she can stop loving him.
Lacking her knowledge of the risk she is taking.

She has never had her heart broken,
But she should count on it.

Stolen Soul

You’re a son of a gun,
Stealing souls.
Acting like the ones you hurt,
All for shelter,
You stopped believing,
I live because I do, believe.

Stealing souls,
And forcing emotions
You in reality will never feel.
Epic for the demon
Who stole my everything
Left me lifeless,
Searching for more souls who didn’t
Seem to believe in love.

Bleeding from my stomach,
Hands in a fist, standing.
Protecting the body my soul choose.

Star

I need you out of my head.
The tears are flowing now.
I am silent when it comes to this hidden emotion.
Stubborn each day
I stay around
Wishing for some time in your soft arms and
Meeting your sure lips with mine which are sure as unstable

I’m currently well adjusted to the life I choose to live.
My fingers on my damp pillow,
My arms hanging on the outskirts of the front of my bed.
Holding onto memories of you and me.

I’m here, you’re not.
You’re here, in my mind.
I am losing control of my thoughts,
Going to blame it on the bandages on my eye,
Blinding me and hiding my sight.
You’re in my mind, I out to want you out.

Maybe Not

I shouldn’t have asked,
It was meant to be the spur of the moment,
Neither one of us would forget.
Though, I know you won’t.
I won’t. I never had sex with someone I love
The way you and I did.

Oh we did didn’t we.
We were amazing,
The beginning, the spurs
Oh how you please me.

But we know I know,
This is about temptation,
Battling with the desire to have you,
And please you like you please me.

Still I shouldn’t have asked,
You should have kissed me.
Kissed me and made love to me,
Exactly how you seemed fit,
Know we will never have a first time,
Each time may as well be the last time.

Him/Her

Her tears scare him.
Enough to make him leave.
But he’ll be back like
He never left.

Her feelings scare him.
Enough to make him run.
But he’ll be back like
He never left.

Great love is selfish,
Inadequate of triumph
And the struggles of her.
The tears and the feelings
And the love she hasn’t confessed to.

His confusion scares her.
Enough to make her sit it out.
But I’ll be gone like
I was never there.

His distance scares her.
Enough to make her sit it out.
But I’ll be gone like
I was never there.

Great love ends,
Sustaining the reality of worth.
And the negotiating of herself.
The confusion and the distance
And the truth he hasn’t confessed to.

Pleasure vs. Time

I shouldn’t have asked,
It was meant to be the spur of the moment,
Neither one of us would forget.
Though, I know you won’t.
I won’t. I never had sex with someone I love
The way you and I did.

Oh we did didn’t we.
We were amazing,
The beginning, the spurs
Oh how you please me.

But we know I know,
This is about temptation,
Battling with the desire to have you,
And please you like you please me.

Still I shouldn’t have asked,
You should have kissed me.
Kissed me and made love to me,
Exactly how you seemed fit,
Know we will never have a first time,
Each time may as well be the last time

Hey,

Despite the fact that I am crying now, I wasn't crying over you. Well I was. But there was a million other things. You were just the icing on the cake. There are quiet a bit of things going on and i'm stressed. I firgured you would calm me down. Help me laugh, listen to my corny jokes, etc.But I cried and I scared you away. I am sorry. It has nothing to do with you.I am emotional what girl isn't.

I don't love you and I don't miss you and I care about you enough.
You see I told you what you wanted to hear.

But I do want to see you, I forgot what you look like.
I forgot what your lips taste like, and off the record. I am mad at you, not crying about it. Though. I rarely cry. I don't ever express how I feel to the person I feel something for I just move on.

I know you are busy, I am busy too. But the thing is I am willing to make time for you where as you won't for me.

I thought about this really hard. Harder than I ever thought about anything concerning you. As you know I have been contemplating the ending of this "game" *don't say it's not a game, because it's nothing more* I have decided that, *clears throat*, maybe one day we can pick up where we left off. Since you clearly are no longer interested.

It was fun, and I thought I meant something to you. That's why I asked you and us happened. But then you disappeared. Epic, wasn't it. I thought maybe at least two seasons but you didn't. It's cool.

Everything ends for the reality to begin.
I feel bad, I basically told you I wasn't going anywhere and I am giving up and I told you I wouldn't remember you when school starts another lie. I think about you all the time. I miss you , alot. Again off the record.

I am sorry. I like to get my thoughts out this time I shared them with you.

Left Searching

Left searching,
Heart dying.
I am letting this love beat me.
As the feelings allows my tears to fall into defeat,
He blames me for my tears that he
Caused without a single touch,
Some argue it is love.

Just the other night,
His soft voice, whispered into my phone
And he said, “Tell me you love me.”
My heart sat warm.
Unequipped with the delicate emotions
I can’t speak out on, but surely I feel.

He runs from her tears,
Divided by all he doesn’t know.
The love she feels equates greatly to the
Beating of her dying heart.
Left searching in adequate to time lost loving.

Season

You are so much more than a season.
And sweetheart that is the reason,
The blistered nights and our wet skin
And the passion we had all but once
Feels my lungs and never could I make it pass
The reality of my tears
Prevent me from staying around
And the shallow behavior you grew on your shoulder.

You feel as if you pleasuring me with a little head
From here to there,
I’d forget, but lovers never forget
They quietly deal with it.
Realistic tears and uneven kisses.
Love like no love is enough for a good riddance.