Settling for Less

I don't get any credit for anything that I attempt to do or go after.
So I don't mention the things I care for and the people they, (we) are seen in pictures.
The beauty of it all is that I loved someone.
I got to.
I don't think I have it in me to love again.

Experiencing it once was an immaculate adjustment to my life.
His purpose I understand.

He bloomed into my life as soon as the inner pain suddenly erupted.
I expected to much from him.
Since he was the only one who made me feel epic as well as beautiful.
The old me was irrelevant unworthy of love by anyone. My mother made me feel like I wasn't worth it.
So I didn't understand his presence. His relevance to my life.

I couldn't understand why he stayed. Why he didn't leave my life.
I see myself now before as his burden.
So dependent on him making me smile.
I co-existed him with love.
That was before that was years ago.
The year were I felt too skinny to be viewed.
The year were I hid behind the wall of you.

Years ago I loved him because he seemed so perfect.
That was the first time I said I love you.
He repeatedly insisted that he had love for me.

He left. I could care less.
I lie but so what. Who cares about someone who called you a crybaby,
Who added to your sorrow.
You are reading her words.
Real though subtle and harsh.

As soon as I found myself beautiful and loved myself.
This is when I was ready to experience him.

I see him as an experience.
His purpose still feels unclear.

I had to let him go.
I loved him, he knew it.
He knew I loved him hard.
I can't understand our ending.
But here goes, I do not want a relationship or friendship with the guy
who broke my heart. He did this intentionally.
To beat someone in the head knowing they won't make it is rude and evil.
No one deserves the pain he threw at me.
No one not even you.
Never settle for the guy who treats you right half of the time.
The other half he is busy chasing some dream and not grasping what you mean to him.
Never settle for what you may never understand.